


Broken Compass

by FrecklesOfTheSeasons



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: "Barrels" of fun, Adventure, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Blood, Blood and Injury, Captain Chan, Changbin is a dick for a lil bit, Cook Woojin, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Felix is oblivious, First Mate Jisung, Flirting in the midst of battle, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I mean come on gays, I originally told this story in surfer dude slang, Kim seungmin/his maps, Lookout Jeongin, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Navigator Seungmin, Nurse Minho, PTSD, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Pirate Stray Kids, Pirates, Quartermaster Changbin, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Seo Changbin is bad at feelings, Slow Burn, So Bear With me, Some angst, Stowaway Felix, Swordfighter Hyunjin, The ship is called the Broken Compass, Violence, apple puns, did u get that, mild crossdressing, that was totally original and not stolen from paige
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 12:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrecklesOfTheSeasons/pseuds/FrecklesOfTheSeasons
Summary: Here's how it goes. Two pirates walk into a bar. At separate times, and at different entrances.A woman flirts with the bartender over the counter. Men laugh uproariously in their seats over some crude joke, faces red with the alcohol in their bellies. A pirate struts over to a full table and promptly punches one of them in the face.Meanwhile, not too far away, in a cart filled with other barrels, a runaway slips into one meant to hold apples. He sits, as quietly as he can, against the curved wooden sides, his ginger hair standing out against the blue of his hooded cloak. He prays that he doesn't get caught.OrThe pirate au no one asked for





	1. Stowaway

Here's how it goes. Two pirates walk into a bar. At separate times, and at different entrances. A woman flirts with the bartender over the counter. Men laugh uproariously in their seats over some crude joke, faces red with the alcohol in their bellies. A pirate struts over to a full table and promptly punches one of them in the face. 

 

There's silence for a minute, laughter cutting off as everyone realizes the action that has taken place. The pirate smirks. 

 

“Blame it on the alcohol.” He says, though he just arrived, and therefore hasn't had a drink.

 

The quiet lasts for no longer than two seconds before chaos erupts. Shouts fill the air as the man, who's beginning to look red for quite a different reason, throws some punches of his own. And misses. 

 

Two things happen. The pirate dodges hit after hit, quick on his feet and nimble with his other limbs. The woman at the counter covers her face with her hands and begs the bartender to let her hide behind the counter. He agrees. Quite a large mistake, on his part.

 

For while his head is turned, she takes his precious bags of gold coins and slips them into her dress where a bosom might normally be. If anyone notices that her chest is larger when she leaves, they, as a sober pirate once said, blame it on the alcohol. No one would expect a woman to be one of the greatest thieves of all time.

 

She runs quickly through the front exit and onto the cobblestone road of Busan. From there, she walks calmly and quietly, if not for the jingle of coins from her dress. A man pretends to swoon and she smiles flirtily before looking away with barely disguised disgust. 

 

Soon the other pirate, a delicate seeming man with hidden muscles of steel, exits from the back of the bar in long strides, grin spread across his face. The woman sighs. His lip is split and he has a nasty looking bruise on the bridge of his nose. 

 

“Please tell me it isn't broken again.” She says, in a surprisingly low voice for a lady. The pirate grins wider, bringing his fingers up to feel his nose. After a moment, a proud expression crosses his face. 

 

“Nah.” He says in a flirty drawl. “Even if it was, don't you think I'd be able to patch myself up, Hyunjin?” 

 

The woman's eyes widen, clutching at her fake breast for comfort, to which the other pirate bursts into laughter. 

 

“You're not supposed to call me that here!” Hyunjin hisses, face red under all the makeup. 

 

“And besides, knowing you, you'd probably do it wrong or not do it at all because you're too busy with other patients. For a doctor, you really suck at taking care of yourself, Minho.” 

 

Minho smirks and sticks out his tongue. 

 

“I thought we weren't using names,  _ m'lady _ ?” He chuckles as they near the hidden bay where their ship is anchored. 

 

“You started it.” Hyunjin mumbles. Minho laughs, loudly. Hyunjin looks horrified. 

 

“Would you stop that?! You'll give our position away!” 

 

Minho just smirks again and throws an arm around the other pirate's shoulders, wheezing when he squeaks in surprise and clutches at his skirts. 

 

***

 

Meanwhile, not too far away, in a cart filled with other barrels, a runaway slips into one meant to hold apples. He sits, as quietly as he can, against the curved wooden sides, his ginger hair standing out against the blue of his hooded cloak. He prays that he doesn't get caught. 

 

In all honesty, Felix has no idea where he's headed. He just knows that it's on a boat, across the sea, far away from home. If he can even call it that. He shudders, fingers coming up to brush gingerly against his bruised eye, recoiling in pain upon contact. 

 

He sits, for what seems like hours, until the cart stops rolling and comes to a final halt. He holds his breath and clutches at his cloak with his hands. Then he hears the back of the cart drop open, and other barrels being hauled away. 

 

Felix panics for a minute. He has no idea what to do next. He never expected to come this far. He hardly has a few seconds to contemplate his next options before he's being lifted into the air. There's a low animalistic growl as he's hefted up into someone's arms and his heart stutters in his chest. 

 

“Woojin,” A low voice drawls. “Are you sure these are apples?” A scoff. 

 

“If my list says apples, then they're apples, Changbin. I don't make mistakes.” 

 

“Still,” The other man continues, even after being scolded. “This barrel feels far too heavy.”

 

Felix is panicking wildly at this point. Then a smaller, higher pitched voice chips in from somewhere behind him. 

 

“Maybe you're just getting weak, Changbin hyung.” 

 

“Yah!” The barrel shifts and Felix slides to one side. “Watch your mouth, you brat! I'll beat you!” 

 

“Kinky.” 

 

Felix chokes on his own spit, but his mistake is covered up by an unearthly screech. 

 

“What did I do to deserve this?!” The voice, belonging to Changbin, apparently, cries. “I get no respect on this damn ship!” 

 

“Language.” That one belongs to Woojin, Felix thinks. There's a scoff, and then a scuffling of feet as Felix is finally set down. His heart is pounding in his chest and he can hardly breathe. He's almost there. He's almost gotten away with it. 

 

The voices fade as footsteps walk away from the barrel, and Felix is left to his own thoughts. Hours pass, it seems. His stomach growls, and he wonders when the last time he ate was. It certainly wasn't last night. 

 

He can feel the boat rocking over the waves and leans back in the barrel, letting it lull him to sleep. 

 

***

 

He's awoken in the morning when light streams through the opening to the barrel onto his face and a familiar voice sounds. 

 

“What the..?!” Ah yes. Being discovered sure is nice. He feels himself being hauled out of the barrel and dumped onto the wooden planks of the boat. He looks up and- 

 

Oh. 

 

This is most definitely not a merchant's ship. The man standing before him, though short, looks incredibly menacing. And maybe Felix would have thought he was a simple sailor if it weren't for the several belts tied around his waist and the bandanna around his forehead. 

 

Ah. Felix has stumbled upon a pirate ship. Lovely. 

 

The man growls the same growl he heard yesterday before fisting his hand in Felix's cloak and dragging him across the ship. He yelps a little at the sudden movement, but stays quiet, because he  _ really _ doesn't want to be dead right now. 

 

There are exclamations of surprise when they reach the main deck, and the man dragging him lifts him to his feet with a hand at the back of his neck. Another yelp. 

 

“Quiet.” The man hisses. Felix nods hurriedly. Then, “Captain!”

 

A noise of confusion sounds from inside the cabin and the door cracks open enough for a head of curly hair to pop out. 

 

“Changbin?” The man, most likely the captain, asks. “What's wrong? You never call me capt-” His voice catches in his throat when he spots Felix. Felix tries not to squirm under his intense gaze. Instead he looks at the floor of the deck. 

 

“Who's this?” He asks, curiosity filling his voice. Felix shudders when the pirate holding him tightens his grip on his neck. 

 

“A stowaway.” The man spits the last word out like it's poison. Felix really hopes he isn't about to die. 

 

“We've never had one of those before.” The captain muses. “Did you do that to him?” 

 

He's most likely referring to Felix's black eye and the cut marring his cheekbone. Felix curls into himself for a little bit, before the hand is back with full force around his neck. 

 

“No.” The pirate, Changbin, growls. “He was like this when I found him. What should we do? Make him walk the plank?” 

 

Felix freezes and shifts his gaze to the captain, making direct eye contact and flinching afterwards. He hears a few gasps as the captain steps forward to inspect him and lowers his gaze once more. 

 

“Hmm.” He says. “No, I don't think so.” 

 

Felix sags in relief. Changbin's hold on his neck loosens in surprise. 

 

“You don't?” He asks, bewildered. “Why not?” 

 

The captain sighs. He lifts a hand to Felix's face and shifts so he can inspect him further. Felix tries his best not to cower, but it's quite hard when the captain, a pirate, mind you, is so intimidating. Eventually, said man speaks up. 

 

“Contrary to popular belief, we're not savages, Changbin. Let's not prove those rumors to be true.” 

 

Changbin huffs. He kicks at the ground, almost like a child. 

 

“Maybe if you throw in some aegyo he'll listen to you!” Someone from the back of the crowd on the deck calls. 

 

Changbin growls and pulls a whip from his belt threateningly. 

 

“I'll beat you!” 

 

“Thanks, but I'm not into that.” 

 

Felix chokes again and Changbin fixes him with a menacing glare. 

 

“What are you laughing at, scum?” 

 

Felix's eyes widen and he shakes his head. 

 

“Nothing! I wasn't laughing, I promise!” He says fearfully. 

 

He hears a few people gasp again and Changbin's grip on his neck goes lax. The pirate's eyes widen and he inhales sharply. 

 

“Holy shit.” He says, and is he blushing? Felix has never been more confused and afraid in his whole life. 

 

Someone clears their throat, clearly the same person as before. 

 

“I get that his voice is deep as hell but would you please stop eye fucking the poor boy? I haven't even had a chance to fix that pretty face yet.” 

 

Felix flushes a deep shade of red and squirms in discomfort. The voice doesn't sound too unfriendly. The crowd clears and a man steps forward, looking quite bruised himself. 

 

“For God's sake, shut your mouth, Minho. I get no respect on this damn ship!” Changbin cries angrily. 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Minho waves his hand dismissively. “You outrank me, blah blah. Just let me tend to that cut, okay?” 

 

Changbin huffs, but releases Felix, who promptly crumples to the floor in relief. The other pirate, Minho, steps forward, a few supplies in his hands, and crouches down until he's looking straight into Felix's eyes. 

 

“Jesus. What did you do to get that beat up?” Minho says in sympathy. Felix swallows, unable to reply. “This is gonna hurt a little, okay?” His voice is surprisingly soft for a pirate. 

 

“I never knew you had a heart, Minho!” Another pirate calls. Minho snorts and pours some alcohol onto a rag. 

 

“I don't.” 

 

Then he presses the rag to the cut on Felix's face, wiping away dried blood and dabbing at the edges. Felix whimpers, but finds himself unable to move away. It stings, like hell, really, but he'd prefer it didn't get infected. 

 

“Alright.” Changbin says, aggravated. “We're not killing him. What are we doing with him, then?” 

 

The captain looks at Felix, as if considering his options. Then he sits down on the floor beside Minho and looks Felix in the eye. 

 

“What's your name, kid?” He asks, voice soft. Felix has never been more confused. Aren't these people pirates?

 

“F-Felix.” He stutters. “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

 

The captain chuckles and rests his chin in his hand. 

 

“You intrigue me.” He says, simply. “Call me Chan.” 

 

Felix nods, hoping it's a good thing. 

 

“Now. How old are you?” 

 

“Nineteen.” 

 

“What are you running from?” 

 

Felix swallows around words that won't come out. Changbin scoffs from somewhere above him. 

 

“This is ridiculous. He could be a criminal, for God's sake! What if he slaughters us all in his sleep?” He says angrily. Felix can't sense a trace of fear in his voice, despite his words. 

 

Chan looks up at Changbin, unimpressed. 

 

“If you haven't noticed, we're all criminals.” He says disdainfully. “And if you think this boy could successfully kill every one of us and still survive, you're seriously underestimating your crew, Changbin.” 

 

Changbin flinches and huffs again, stomping off to who knows where. Felix was never taught about the layout of a pirate ship. Or any ship, for that matter. He finds himself thinking that they might be the same. 

 

His attention is drawn to Chan again as Minho tapes a long piece of gauze across the cut on his face. 

 

“You think it'll scar?” Chan asks the doctor distractedly. Minho shakes his head. 

 

“Not if it's treated properly. It's not especially deep in the first place.” He says, moving away from Felix, but still sitting on the deck. 

 

Chan stands up and takes one look at his crew. 

 

“Get back to work.” He says sternly, and the crew members scatter. Then he leans back down to Felix, who's looking up at him with wide eyes. He offers out a scarred hand and Felix takes it, stumbling to his feet. 

 

“Hey kid.” Chan says proudly, as he surveys the scene. “Welcome to the Broken Compass.”


	2. I'm a Homosexual, Jeongin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Heart attack?” He asks, confused.
> 
>  
> 
> “From stress.” Seungmin jumps in. “Minho says he's about to have a heart attack all the time and that it's our faults.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Especially when he's around me.” Jisung says proudly, earning an elbow to the ribs from said doctor.
> 
>  
> 
> “That's.. Not something to be proud of.” Seungmin says, wrinkling his nose. “If you stress him out that bad.. Yikes.”

It's late. The sea has been rocking the ship calmly for hours, and it's late. The sun is setting on the horizon, painting the sky pink and orange and the subtlest of yellows. Its reflection shimmers on the crest of every wave. And Felix watches. 

 

The crew has long since gotten their food from the kitchen, and sit amiably around the deck or underneath the crow's nest. Felix pays them no mind. He doesn't want to stare, he's lucky that they're even letting him stay. Still, his mind stays stuck on a growling voice and many, many belts and he feels a flush crawl over his face. 

 

He shakes his head. That man wanted to kill him. He shouldn't be so hung up on just a pretty face. Instead, he should be fearing for his life. What if he gets murdered in his sleep, just for stowing away on a ship he didn't know was a pirate's? Felix suddenly feels very ill. 

 

He's startled when someone sits down beside him with a sharp exhale. He looks to his side at a man who looks not much older than him, clad in a green coat with rows of buttons, crossing his legs with two plates of steaming food in his hands. 

 

The man hands him a plate, at which Felix stares, confused. 

 

“Hi. I'm Jisung.” He says, winking and reaching his hand out. Felix flushes. “I'm the first mate of this ship. Pleased to meet you.” 

 

Felix sits in silence and stares, until Jisung quirks an eyebrow at him. 

 

“And you're Felix, correct?” 

 

It takes Felix a minute to realize that he had, indeed, told the crew his name. He lets out a startled noise and gives Jisung his hand, letting him shake it. 

 

“Y-yeah.” He stumbles over his words. “Yeah, I'm- that's me.” 

 

Jisung grins. Then, he cackles. A few members of the crew look over at them and Felix squirms under their gaze. 

 

“Yes. That's you. Felix.” Jisung says, obviously teasing. Felix, however, is unable to say anything other than, 

 

“Yep.” 

 

“Yep.” Jisung mimics, a smile still present on his face. Felix has never felt so flustered. Except, maybe, when a particular pirate had cursed because of how deep his voice was. That makes him blush all over again for a whole different reason. 

 

Jisung, curse him, has to notice. 

 

“Ohoho.” He chuckles, eyes full of mirth. “You're a shy one, aren't you?” 

 

Felix shrugs. He supposes that supplies an answer in itself. Jisung waggles his eyebrows and he blushes beet red. A redhead walks by and clicks his tongue. 

 

“Leave the poor boy alone, Jisung.” He scolds. “He's probably never been around anyone half so flirty as you.” 

 

Jisung stands up suddenly, shoving his plate to the side and walking towards the other boy in great strides. Felix flinches. He doesn't want to see any fighting take place. The sun is dipping its last rays behind the horizon and he'd rather not miss it. 

 

But rather than burst into a fight, the first mate ruffles the redhead's hair, making obnoxious cooing noises, much to the other's distaste. Felix watches on curiously as the redhead tries to block Jisung's advances. He fails. 

 

Jisung hauls him over by his shirt to where Felix is sitting and claps his hands excitedly. 

 

“Felix, this is Seungmin, our navigator and mapmaker.” He gestures towards the redhead, presumably Seungmin, with large wavy hand motions. Felix watches his hands carefully for any sudden movement. 

 

Then his vision focuses in on Seungmin, and he's too busy taking in the little details of his appearance to worry about Jisung. Seungmin holds his hand out for Felix to shake, which he does, albeit a bit hesitantly. The redhead's hand is calloused and warm, and Felix finds that he likes the feeling. He's never been one for much physical contact. 

 

“I'm Felix.” He says, and watches Seungmin's eyes widen. The other boy looks at Jisung, his mouth falling open, and the first mate just laughs. 

 

“That's right, you weren't on deck earlier. Seungmin,” He wheezes, placing a hand on his stomach. “Seungmin, you should have seen the look on Binnie's face.” 

 

Binnie? Does Jisung mean.. Changbin? He doesn't seem like one to appreciate nicknames, much less to receive them. Seungmin's face splits into a wide grin. 

 

“No.” He says dramatically, a hand over his chest. Jisung leans forward, nodding his head. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

Felix has honestly never been so confused. He watches them chatter amiably for a while before he turns his gaze back to the sea. The sun is behind the horizon line now, the sky fading to a dim blue around the edges. He's missed the sunset. 

 

“-lix. Felix.” He doesn't realize he's zoned out until someone calls his name. He does a double take when he discovers Minho has made his way over to the trio. He raises his eyebrows. 

 

“Huh?” 

 

Minho sighs and rolls his eyes exasperatedly. 

 

“You should get to bed. You've had a long day.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“No buts.” Minho says sternly. “Doctor's orders. If you die from a heart attack I'll have to pin the blame on somebody other than Changbin, so..” 

 

Felix blinks. 

 

“Heart attack?” He asks, confused. 

 

“From stress.” Seungmin jumps in. “Minho says he's about to have a heart attack all the time and that it's our faults.” 

 

“Especially when he's around me.” Jisung says proudly, earning an elbow to the ribs from said doctor. 

 

“That's.. Not something to be proud of.” Seungmin says, wrinkling his nose. “If you stress him out that bad.. Yikes.” 

 

Jisung huffs and goes on a rant about how that's not what he meant, but Felix doesn't pay attention because he's being ushered away below the deck by Minho's hurried hands. And straight into the pirate who wants nothing more than to see him dead. Changbin. 

 

Felix is pushed against his chest and looks into his eyes for a moment before stumbling backwards and averting his eyes to the floor. He feels a phantom hand close in on the back of his neck. 

 

“S-sorry.” He mumbles apologetically. 

 

Changbin stares. Then he looks towards Minho with a gaze full of intense curiosity.

 

“What is  _ he _ doing down here?” He asks roughly, and gestures towards Felix with his hands. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and reveal a stretch of toned skin. Felix swallows, and tries not to stare. He fails, miserably. 

 

“Sleeping.” Minho says, just as roughly, his hands finding Felix's shoulders again. Felix feels Changbin's eyes linger there. Then he looks up again. 

 

“There aren't any extra bunks.” He says simply. 

 

Minho huffs behind him, and Felix flinches. He feels Changbin's curious eyes on him. 

 

“Well, make room then.” Minho says absentmindedly. 

 

Changbin stares at him, eyebrows raised. Then, he says, slower, “There aren't any extra bunks, Minho.” 

 

“There will be when I'm done with your lovesick ass.” 

 

Felix listens to them bicker, eyes on the floor, focusing on the rock of the waves below them. Finally, Changbin heaves a great sigh and Felix looks up.

 

“Fine.” He says exasperatedly, running his hand through his hair. Felix really can't take his eyes off him. “He can take my bed.” 

 

Felix's eyes widen and his lips part. 

 

“But where will you sleep?” He blurts out, before he has time to think. 

 

Changbin looks at him with narrowed eyes. Then, “I won't.” 

 

He pushes past them without a second glance, leaving Felix staring in awe and clutching his cloak, which he has yet to remove. Minho huffs in annoyance. 

 

“No need to be so  _ rude _ .” He sneers at Changbin's back, before shaking his head and leading Felix to a bed at the far end of the wall, a lantern hanging above it. “Don't mind him. He's not usually so impolite.” 

 

Felix isn't sure that makes him feel any better. He doesn't have any time to think about it before Minho pushes him onto the bed and throws a knit blanket over him. 

 

“Sleep.” He says, and then, “That blanket is Changbin's favorite. Do with that information what you will.” He waggles his eyebrows and Felix's face heats up. He doesn't need to see himself to know that he's blushing. 

 

Minho walks away, taking the lantern with him and leaving Felix in the dark. Felix sighs. He doesn't think he'll be able to get much sleep tonight at all. He closes his eyes, and tries to let the rocking of the boat lull him to sleep. 

 

*** 

 

Changbin is a fighter, not a lover. He's quick to anger and would much rather stab his crewmates through their hands rather than kiss them on their cheeks. He's closed off, and he doesn't let anyone in. He doesn't let anyone see his weak side. 

 

So when he finds himself giving up his bed to a raggedy stowaway who he undoubtedly  _ hates _ , he's a little concerned. Despite the worry growing inside his chest (along with something else), however, he climbs the rungs to the crow's nest and hauls himself inside. 

 

The boy inside blinks at him confusedly. 

 

“Hyung?” He asks. “What are you doing up here?” 

 

Changbin huffs, not wanting to get into it. 

 

“I can't come to see my favorite dongsaeng for no reason?” 

 

Jeongin stares at him disbelievingly. 

 

“No, you can't.” He says flatly. 

 

Changbin pouts. Jeongin shuts his eyes and turns away. 

 

“That won't work on me.” 

 

Changbin knows that it will. But he stops anyways, and turns to watch the sea. It's dark out. He leans back against the edge of the nest and stares up at the sky. The stars shimmer and the boat rocks and despite his claims of not sleeping, he drifts off fairly easily. 

 

***

 

He's shaken awake not too long afterwards. Jeongin is looking at him tiredly, and Changbin groans. Just when he was about to get some good sleep, too. 

 

“What?” He asks gruffly. Jeongin sniffs haughtily. 

 

“Don't growl at me.” The younger scolds. “Anyway, shouldn't you be in bed by now?”

 

Changbin groans again. 

 

“No. Can't go back there.” 

 

Jeongin stares at him in confusion. 

 

“But.. why?” 

 

Changbin huffs and turns so that he's fully facing Jeongin. He's still half asleep and everything is fuzzy, so he doesn't register what he says next. 

 

“I'm a homosexual, Jeongin!” 

 

Then he turns back around, and promptly falls back asleep to the sound of Jeongin's “No shit.” 

 

He'll have to scold him for that in the morning. But for now, Changbin sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i had to hold myself back from making a meme of this entire chapter by making Jeongin say "we been knew sis" at the end i'm crying help
> 
> anyway if you want to talk to me, my twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is gay-but-woah 
> 
> you can find art of this fic here:  
> https://gay-but-woah.tumblr.com/post/180227905190/its-broken-compass-changbin-for-those-of-you-who


	3. A Shy One, Ain't He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s okay.” Jeongin comforts him with a smile. “I’ll just have to do the talking for both of us.”
> 
>  
> 
> Felix thinks to himself that maybe that sounds alright.

When Felix wakes up, it's to a face right in front of his. He jolts upwards so fast he knocks their heads together, causing the other boy to fall backward and groan.

 

“Ow!” Felix cries, rubbing at his forehead. Black dots swim before his eyes for a moment before his vision clears. When it does, he’s met with the face of a young boy, perhaps a year or two younger than him, peering at him from down on the floor. And honestly, truly, he’s never been less intimidated in all his life. This child was meant to be a pirate?

 

The boy has reddish brown hair and a red bandana tied around his forehead, and his smile is so bright that it hurts Felix’s eyes. He wears a cream shirt with puffy long sleeves that’s tucked into the hem of his trousers, tied with a belt- (so many belts on this ship, Jesus,) -around his waist. It isn’t long before Felix realizes he’s staring, eyes narrowed, and the boy grins again, sheepishly this time.

 

“Sorry,” Felix says, rubbing at his forehead and frowning, just a bit. “I just- you’re a pirate? You’re not their prisoner, are you?” His voice has become somewhat frantic as he searches the boy for any signs of injury or abuse. The boy’s eyes widen and he bursts into bubbly laughter.

 

“Wha- no! No, I’m not their prisoner. Chan hyung took me in. Long story. But yes,” He says, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “I am a pirate.”

 

Felix shakes his head disbelievingly. There’s such a contrast to this boy and the one who found him- the single belt being one of them. And really, it’s a bit much to take in.

 

“I’m Felix.” He says quietly, eyes moving from the boy’s to his cloak. He didn’t realize that he hadn’t taken it off the night before. His fingers clench in the blue fabric.

 

“I know.” The boy says smugly. “Changbin hyung told me.”

 

Felix jolts, eyes snapping upwards, lips parting and heat rushing to his face.

 

“I- what?” He’s sure he’s making a fool of himself. His thoughts are confirmed when the boy smirks- really smirks, this time- and nods his head.

 

“But you can’t let him know I told you, or he’ll skin me alive!” The boy says cheerfully. Felix gapes at him and shivers a little. Somehow, he doesn’t doubt that.

 

“I’m Jeongin.” The boy, Jeongin, says. “Official lookout for the Broken Compass.”

 

Then,

 

“What happened to your face?”

 

Felix flinches a little, hands moving to cover his eye. He stays quiet. Jeongin seems to understand he doesn’t want to talk about it, and just nods, his head tilting to the side. He looks- Felix realizes- distantly related to some kind of fox.

 

“Well, anyway,” Jeongin continues. “I came to get you because- breakfast, and you don’t want to miss that. Woojin hyung made porridge!” He rises from his spot on the floor, and reaches towards Felix with a welcoming hand. Felix flinches again before hesitantly taking it. If the lookout notices, he doesn’t say anything about it.

 

They make their way through the room, and out the entrance. The sun shines brightly, too brightly, and Felix shields his eyes with his hands, his cloak falling away from where they were holding it before. There’s the sound of loud voices, commands being given, boisterous laughing, but it all quiets when the pirates- actual pirates, Felix reminds himself- catch sight of him.

 

“What are you staring at?” A familiar voice barks. “Don’t waste your time looking at some damn _stowaway,_ and get back to work!” Felix flinches, for the third time this morning, and looks over at the helm of the ship, where a face with a rough expression and high cheekbones is staring directly at him. Their eyes meet, and Felix feels heat rush to his face as Changbin’s eyes flit down, and then back up to his face. He looks away.

 

Jeongin huffs a laugh beside him. A voice that Felix recognizes as Minho’s calls out across the deck.

 

“Stop checking out the damn _stowaway,_ and follow your own fuckin’ orders!”

 

A couple laughs ring out as Felix’s face turns even redder than before and he hurriedly turns away, because- because Changbin can’t really have been checking him out, and he doesn’t want to be glared at with the force he assumes Changbin is using on the ship’s doctor. When he looks up, he sees Woojin walking towards him with a steaming bowl of porridge and startles.

 

“Oh,” he says, “You didn’t have to- for me?” Woojin looks at him amusedly before pushing the hand holding the bowl in his direction.

 

“Of course I did!” The cook scoffs. “What kind of person would I be if I let a guest on our ship starve to death?”

 

“A pirate.” A voice says dryly, from behind them. Felix whips around to see Changbin staring at him intensely- he has no idea how the pirate got down from the helm so quickly- before his eyes flit back to Woojin. “And he’s not a guest. He’s a prisoner.”

 

“Right,” Woojin says, tone equally as dry. “Because you’d let a prisoner sleep in your own bed.”

 

Felix watches nervously, gaze flicking between them, back and forth. The two stare at each other for a short while before Changbin speaks up.

 

“There weren’t any extra bunks.”

 

“You could have thrown him in the brig.”

 

Felix is very thankful that Changbin had not done _that._

 

“You know damn well that Chan hyung would have never let me do that.”

 

“So that’s the only reason? You’ve never let that stop you before.”

 

Felix’s eyes are very wide and he feels very, very anxious. He clutches nervously at his cloak. Changbin wouldn’t really beat his own crewmate, would he? But the pirate doesn't make a move to uncoil his whip from the belt around his waist.

 

“You know I won't lose.” Changbin says, voice even. “I never do.”

 

Felix has absolutely no clue what the pirate is talking about.

 

“We'll see about that.” Woojin replies, matching his tone.

 

Felix doesn't know where to look, so he just keeps changing between the two pirates before him, until Changbin speaks up.

 

“Tell him to stop looking at me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Hyung.”

 

“No.”

 

A new voice joins them, from where Jeongin hasn't left Felix's side.

 

“Alright, put your dicks away.” He orders, ignoring the scandalized gasp and shouted “Jeongin!” from Woojin and Changbin's “Hah! I won!”

 

“And Changbin hyung, maybe you should follow your own advice.” He adds. “Give Felix a break from all your staring.”

 

That shuts Changbin up pretty quickly. Okay, so maybe Jeongin is a force to be reckoned with.

 

“Staring contest again?” Minho's voice says, closer this time. He clicks his tongue. “Children. Absolute children.”

 

Woojin’s protests that he’s the oldest out of the three of them go unnoticed, or at the least, ignored, as Changbin makes his way to the helm of the ship once more, his gait full of power and confidence. Felix lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, shoulders relaxing under the sky blue of his cloak. His eyes follow the pirate for a moment before he turns to look at the three others.

 

Woojin and Jeongin are grinning at him while Minho’s mouth is turned upwards, lips curled in a smirk. He feels his face flush, but doesn’t say anything.

 

“Oh, he’s a shy one, ain’t he?” Minho says, putting an apple Felix didn’t know he was holding up to his mouth and taking a large bite out of it. Woojin nods in agreement before he seems to realize.

 

“I told you not to break into my stores, Goddamnit!”

 

But Minho is scurrying away with his apple in hand, screeching.

 

“Don’t fuckin’ curse in front of the baby!”

 

“I’ll curse when I damn well please!”

 

Beside Felix, Jeongin sighs and shakes his head. Felix moves to the rail to watch the water, but Jeongin catches his attention once more by tugging on his cloak.

 

“Hey Felix?” He asks, nervously. Felix nods, not minding the lack of honorifics. “Don’t give up on Changbin hyung. He means well. Really. He’s just not good with new people.”

 

Felix ponders this new information for a while before nodding again. Jeongin leaves, and Felix doesn’t check to see where he’s going.

 

***

 

He stares at the water for a while, shifting and rolling underneath them, moving the ship ahead on the waves. After some time, his gaze shifts back to the deck, which he notices has calmed down plenty since the last time he checked. The sun has moved further up in the sky since then, and it is now early afternoon. The sun shines pleasantly on his face.

 

Then his eyes move to the bow, where he notices the carving reaching out from under the bowsprit. It’s a bird of some kind, wings stretching over the water as it glides forward. It’s hard for Felix to think that this is a pirate ship when it seems so beautiful. He leans back against the rail and stares up at the sky. Somewhere overhead a black flag flies, painted with a skull, and the needles of a compass where there would normally be crossbones. An interesting choice of design.

 

Before he knows it, he feels someone’s presence beside him. It’s an older man, gruff in his appearance with sideburns along his cheeks. He looks different, like he isn’t from around here. His skin is fair and his eyes blue, though his hair is dark like many of the other pirates’. The man hums pleasantly and Felix isn’t quite sure what to do.

 

“You like sea?” He says, in very broken Korean, then winces at his choice of wording. Felix nods softly.

 

“Yes.” He says quietly. “It’s very beautiful.”

 

“I like sea.” The man says, and there’s something in his accent- something different, a gentle lilt upwards.

 

“Where are you from?” Felix finds himself asking, still hesitant. The man is very big, and very buff. He could probably snap Felix in half if he wanted to. But the man just smiles, a toothy grin. One of his teeth is golden.

 

“Ireland.” He says. And okay, Felix has never heard of anywhere called Ireland before, but he’s inclined to believe him.

 

“Busan.” Felix replies, voice having gone solemn. Then, “What’s it like? In Ireland. Is it very pretty?”

 

The man nods, still grinning.

 

“Oh, aye, green far as eye can see.”

 

Felix doesn’t know exactly what the layout of Ireland is, but he trusts the man, somewhat. Even though he doesn’t know his name. So he asks.

 

He asks, “What’s your name?” And maybe he expects something different from the wink he’s given.

 

“They call me the Rabid Seal.” Felix feels the urge to argue that that’s not a real name, it’s a title, most likely given by the Korean navy, for being a criminal- but this is a pirate he’s talking to, and he knows from experience not to talk back in general. And anyway, a voice cuts through the air like an arrow, pointed and intense. Felix closes his eyes, because he’d know that voice anywhere.

 

“Cut the crap, Ronan. Stop harassing the prisoner.” When will Felix ever be free of that voice? It haunts him even as he wakes. He opens his eyes, and Changbin is there, at the helm, staring down at him. Felix shudders.

 

The man, Ronan, raises his hands in submission, grinning at Changbin good-naturedly.

 

“Relax, little‘un.” That last part is said in what Felix supposes is English, and he’s not sure what it means. “You’ve already staked yer claim. I won’t put a hand on the boy.”

 

Felix has the sneaking suspicion that Ronan knows more Korean than he first let on. Changbin snorts loudly, and Felix raises his eyes look at him. They stare right into the pirate’s eyes, an intense gaze that he can’t seem to look away from. It’s Changbin who breaks eye contact first, turning to stare back out at the sea.

 

“I haven’t staked my claim on anything.” He replies dryly, and the man beside Felix huffs with laughter.

 

“You just beat the quartermaster at his own damn game.” Ronan whispers where he’s leaned down in Felix’s ear. “He never loses a staring contest.”

 

It suddenly dawns on Felix that that was what was happening earlier that morning, between Changbin and the cook. He turns to find that the pirate is back to looking at him with that same glare as always.

 

“He’s weak for you, little one.” Ronan says quietly, then laughs. Felix flushes bright red. Somehow, he doesn’t think that’s quite right.

 

***

 

It wears on til midday before he’s approached by anyone else. A young boy, Felix’s age or older, stops in front of him, wearing a purple silk shirt tucked into black trousers. He’s breathtakingly beautiful. His lips are plump and his eyes dark, and he smiles at Felix kindly, offering his hand out to shake.

 

“Hyunjin,” he says simply, cocking his head to the side. His hair flops forward, covering one of his eyes, and he blows it out of his face. His dark hair is pulled back into a small ponytail, more a puff than anything, but his bangs are framing his face freely. Felix stutters before he can speak properly.

 

“Felix,” he finally manages, eyes wide. Hyunjin smiles. There’s a mole under his left eye.

 

“You want to be a pirate?” He asks, and Felix’s eyes go even wider, if it’s possible. He shakes his head quickly, lips dropping open.

 

“No, I-” He begins, when Hyunjin cocks an eyebrow. “I thought this was a merchant’s ship.” He admits sheepishly. “I needed to get away and this- this seemed like the best option.”

 

The other boy nods agreeably, bangs bouncing. Although nearly a comical movement, he still manages to be beautiful.

 

“We’re all running from something. I won’t ask.” He adds, when Felix starts to look uncomfortable.

 

They stand in silence, and Hyunjin hops up on the rail. Felix gasps.

 

“Don’t- you’ll fall.” He tries, and Hyunjin grins at him.

 

“Relax.” He says, so Felix tries to listen. “It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before.” Felix’s eyes go wide again. Now he is anything _but_ relaxed.

 

Hyunjin laughs at the look on his face.

 

“You ever handled a sword before?” He asks, and Felix shakes his head again, eyes still stretched wide.

 

“Well, you’ll have to learn someday soon,” There’s a grin stretched across his face. “If you want to sail with the Captain of the East Seas.” Needless to say, Felix is a little bit confused. In all his 19 years alive, he’s never heard of a captain named Chan.

 

“The Devil’s Smile,” Hyunjin says, still grinning, and that’s when it dawns on him.

 

“Captain Christopher Bang.” He whispers, at the same time Hyunjin says it. The boy laughs brightly.

 

“You got it!” He tilts his head to the side and his bangs bounce- dare Felix say- cutely. “Took you long enough.”

 

“But- how- what-”

 

“No questions.” Hyunjin says, a smile stretched across his face. “Just- if you ever want to give swordfighting a try- I’m your pirate.”

 

Felix nods dumbly.

 

“Thank you.” He says absent-mindedly, as Hyunjin leaves, hair bouncing the whole way.

 

When his eyes follow the boy as he skips- actually skips, a pirate skipping- away, he finds that he’s headed towards Changbin. The pirate whose name and face he can’t get out of his mind. Felix is sure it’s fear. That’s all it is. The quartermaster wants him dead, and Felix would very much like to stay alive, thank you. He watches as they discuss something, Changbin’s eyes darting towards Felix, and-

 

 _Why does he keep looking at me?_ Felix groans internally. It does unpleasant things to his heart. He thinks he must be having palpitations. The next time he looks towards the two pirates, Hyunjin looks very smug, and Changbin rather annoyed. The quartermaster makes a shooing motion with his hand, but doesn’t seem to be anywhere near angry. His hands never stray anywhere near the whip on his hip. And he’s- he’s pouting.

 

Felix contemplates visiting Minho for his heart palpitations.

 

***

 

In the end, he decides against it, chalking it up to anxiety. Jeongin forces him to climb up to the crow’s nest, and Felix regrets it until he sees the view. It’s endless blue, stretching out as far as the eye can see. He draws in a gasp of air at the sight of the sun glistening over the water, making diamonds appear on the waves. He turns and sees a sparkle in Jeongin’s eyes.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” The younger asks, voice soft. Felix nods. “You don’t talk much, do you?” Felix freezes, put on the spot.

 

“N-no, I guess not.” He says, nervously. Back home, he was always told he talked too much. He tries not to do that anymore.

 

“That’s okay.” Jeongin comforts him with a smile. “I’ll just have to do the talking for both of us.”

 

Felix thinks to himself that maybe that sounds alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOO  
> IT'S BEEN SO LONG.  
> BROKEN COMPASS, SWEETIE, IM SO SORRY.  
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed and I'm sorry for the wait! Hopefully I'll be able to update more often now that school is almost done and over with. Also spring break is coming so there's that! 
> 
> If you want to scream at me for abandoning you, my twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is gay-but-woah


	4. Rapier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The world doesn’t owe you shit.” Felix says, one more time, before the quartermaster’s fist pulls back, and then collides with his eye.

The next morning, Hyunjin hauls him out of bed, grin on his face and ignoring Felix’s sleepy whining. It’s early, the sun not quite above the horizon yet, the sky a mute blue. Needless to say, Felix would much rather be asleep. But before he knows it, he’s being handed- or tossed, really- a thin sword, with the knuckle guard twisted delicately in front of his fist. And really, it’s beautiful. He takes a few seconds to admire it, testing the weight with his right, then left hand. When he looks up, Hyunjin is watching him with a happy gleam in his eyes.

 

“It’s a rapier.” He says. Then, “How does it feel?”

 

In all honesty, Felix doesn’t know. He’s never held a sword before; he’s not sure what it’s supposed to feel like. So he just settles for,

 

“It’s heavier than I expected.” He continues testing it, swapping hands occasionally. Hyunjin laughs brightly.

 

“It looks delicate,” He giggles. “But it sure can pack a punch. Are you ready to learn?”

 

Felix has never been less ready. But even so, he nods.

 

“Alright. Let’s start with your stance.”  He moves to fix Felix’s posture. Although he flinches, he lets Hyunjin do as he pleases.

 

“That’s it, lower your body a little. Good. You’re a natural.” Hyunjin gives him a toothy grin, and it almost manages to put Felix completely at ease. He’s ready.

 

***

 

It goes a lot slower than he’d expected. By the time the sun has risen and Jeongin is on his way down from the crow’s nest and settling down to watch, the other pirates stirring in their bunks, Hyunjin has only taught him the basics. Meaning, parrying and thrusting. They’ve run through it quite a few times and sweat is beading on Felix’s forehead, trickling down his neck one drop after another. Hyunjin wipes his brow with his free hand and Felix uses the opportunity to knock his sword out of his dominant one. Jeongin cheers. Hyunjin looks surprised for a moment, before he grins.

 

“Good job!” He says, and Felix lowers the rapier, panting for air. Hyunjin drops to his knees and grabs his sword, coming up to press it against Felix’s throat in a swooping motion against his neck. “But not good enough. Always assume your opponent has the upper hand.”

 

By the time Felix realizes what he’s doing, he’s flinched away, covering his face with his hands, the rapier clattering to the ground. Hyunjin lowers his sword, looking surprised.

 

“Hey,” He says softly. “Are you okay?”

 

He reaches out to rest a hand on Felix’s shoulder, but the other boy takes a step back, face still covered.

 

“I’m fine,” he whispers, barely audible. “Just give me a moment.”

 

Hyunjin does. Jeongin, who had been watching the whole thing, steps forward. He hugs Felix from behind, causing him to startle and drop his hands from his face. The look on Hyunjin’s face is nothing short of worried.

 

“I’m sorry.” Felix swallows around the words in his mouth, eyes burning. There’s the sound of dull clapping behind him and he turns around to see where it’s coming from. It’s Changbin. The quartermaster has a humorless expression on his face, and when he speaks, his voice is the same.

 

“Well done.” He says sarcastically, then narrows his eyes. “In a real fight, you’d be dead by now. And you’re just standing there cowering instead of welcoming your untimely death.”

 

Felix lowers his eyes to the floor. His shoulders shake, and his hands tremble. Changbin speaks up again.

 

“A real pirate is never afraid.” And his voice is so condescending, so judgemental, that something hot and ugly wells up in Felix, and he breaks.

 

“Well lucky for you, I don’t _want_ to be a _real_ pirate, and I never have!” He snaps, controlled venom in his voice.

 

Changbin’s eyes widen a fraction before they narrow, looking dangerous. He takes a step forward.

 

“If you didn’t want to be a pirate, why the fuck would you stow away on _our_ ship, eat _our_ food, and waste _our_ time?” He asks, voice just as venomous. He takes another step forward, but Felix is not afraid. Felix is angry. He stands his ground.

 

“I never thought I would be taken aboard a pirate ship! Don’t you ever stop to think that not everything revolves around you?!” His voice is trembling with rage. Changbin’s eyes darken.

 

“Everything may not revolve around me, but on these seas, everything revolves around _my_ crew. I’m taking care of them.” He growls, and maybe Felix should be a little bit scared, but he isn’t.

 

“You aren’t doing _shit.”_ He snarls back, surprising even himself. In his peripheral vision he sees Jeongin and Hyunjin exchanging worried looks. “Except making a fool out of yourself. You whine and throw tantrums when things don’t go your way, as if the world _owes you something.”_

 

Changbin takes another step forward.

 

“The world doesn’t owe you _shit.”_ Felix says, one more time, before the quartermaster’s fist pulls back, and then collides with his eye.

 

The first thing he registers is the astounding pain he feels, purple and red and black spots appearing in his vision. He falls backwards onto the deck on his ass, hands reaching up to cover his eye. It’s the one that had already been injured. His fingers come away wet with blood. The cut has split open again.

 

He registers Hyunjin and Jeongin rushing forwards to comfort him, but his gaze is only on Changbin. Changbin, who’s looking at his fist with barely concealed rage, at the smear of blood along the knuckle of his index finger. He looks down at Felix again, but he doesn’t say anything. Felix narrows his eyes, daring him to speak up. He doesn’t. He lowers his fist, and walks away. Felix’s eyes follow him as he goes.

 

“-lix. Felix.” There’s a ringing in his ears. He looks up to the source of the voice and finds Hyunjin staring at him worriedly, biting his lower lip.

 

“Hm?” He asks, dazed.

 

“You’re bleeding.” Hyunjin says, concern filling his voice. “Let’s get you to Minho.” He reaches out with his hand, which Felix finds is much bigger than his own, and helps Felix to his feet. They walk to the galley, where Woojin and Minho are chatting together about something, Jeongin trailing behind.

 

“Minho hyung!” Hyunjin calls, and the doctor looks over, his eyes narrowing when they land on Felix.

 

“Again?” He says, exasperatedly. “What happened?” Woojin turns to look as well.

 

Hyunjin opens his mouth to speak, but Felix cuts him off.

 

“I fell.” He blurts, and he doesn’t know why he’s lying. “Hyunjin was training me, and I fell.”

 

Hyunjin looks at him confusedly, before something settles in his eyes, an understanding of some kind.

 

“No, Changbin hyung-” Jeongin begins, looking even more confused, especially when Felix cuts him off as well.

 

“I fell, Minho-ssi. That’s all.” He’s so determined to lie, to pretend, he’s done it before-

 

“Okay,” Minho draws out the last vowel disbelievingly. “Whatever you say. Doesn’t change the fact that I have to clean your cut again.”

 

Felix nods, taking a seat on the floor as Minho makes his way to the back of the galley, fetching some disinfectant and a new bandage on the way.

 

“Why did you lie?” Jeongin asks him, eyes wide. Felix shrugs.

 

“I didn’t want to cause anymore problems.” He says quietly, so Minho can’t hear. “I’ve done enough of that already.”

 

“Changbin hyung shouldn’t have punched you-” Felix cuts him off with a soft _shh_ as Minho arrives, sitting down in front of him.

 

“Again, this might sting a little.” The older boy repeats, and wets a small rag with the alcohol. And it does sting, although far less this time. The doctor dabs at the cut with a wet rag first, to clean up the blood, and then uses the disinfectant. Really, Felix hardly feels it.

 

“Your eye is swollen.” Minho says quietly after a while, gaze scrutinizing. “Are you sure you fell?”

 

Felix nods solemnly, trying not to let his face betray him. He’s also trying not to flinch away from Minho’s hand, but no one needs to know about that. Jeongin and Hyunjin remain by his side.

 

“Right.” Minho murmurs, finishing up with the alcohol and taping the bandage onto Felix’s face. “Alright. All done. You can go now.”

 

Felix’s fingers dart to the bandage, feeling along the edges, and Minho helps him to his feet.

 

“And please, _please_ don’t ‘fall’ again.” The doctor pleads, and Felix freezes where he stands. “I only have so much alcohol to use, and the crew would kill me if I took any of theirs.”

 

Felix nods again. His fingers clench at his sides. His cloak is hung up over Changbin’s bed. He doesn’t have anything to hold onto. It’s going to be a long day.

 

***

 

Over the course of the next two weeks, Felix trains every day, from before the sun rises to early afternoon. He thinks he’s beginning to get a hold on it. When Hyunjin raises his sword in an overhead strike, Felix blocks it with the forte of his rapier, ducking down and landing a kick to Hyunjin’s stomach. The pirate lets out a muffled _oof,_ and stumbles backwards. Felix should take this chance to knock his sword from his hands, but he worries that he’s somehow injured Hyunjin. So he stops, and reaches out a hand to steady the boy.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks worriedly. Hyunjin pants for a second, shaking his head as if to clear it. Felix sees a hint of a smirk two seconds too late. Hyunjin takes advantage of Felix’s position, his relaxed shoulders and anxiety, and knocks the rapier from his hand, raising his own to rest an inch or two away from Felix’s throat.

 

“Aaand you’re dead.” The boy says in a singsong voice. Felix closes his eyes in disbelief and groans. “Good kick though. You really caught me off guard.”

 

Felix shakes his head, orange hair falling into his eyes, and rolls his shoulders a couple times to relieve any tension as Hyunjin lowers his sword.

 

“Felix, I think your only problem is that you see the world as a fair place.” He nibbles at his lip as he thinks. “But it’s not.” His eyes narrow.

 

Felix looks up into his face.

 

“The seas aren’t fair, being a pirate isn’t fair. Sword fighting isn’t fair.” The boy continues, his bangs bouncing as he nods his head with each phrase. Felix nods as he listens attentively. “If you try to fight fair with another pirate, or worse, with a navy soldier, you’ll end up getting killed.”

 

His eyes rest on something behind Felix.

 

“And we do _not_ want _that.”_

 

Felix turns to look behind himself, a chance to see what Hyunjin is staring at. His eyes widen in surprise as he takes in the sight before him. It’s Changbin. His gaze is burning on Felix’s face, a hand on his hip and the other fumbling with the belt stretched across his shoulder, back, and stomach.

 

 _“What?”_ The quartermaster snaps, looking flustered. Felix blinks a couple times before his mouth falls into a grimace. He turns back to Hyunjin, a look of determination on his face.

 

“Again.” He says, and Hyunjin’s eyebrows raise a fraction.

 

“Felix, I think you should take a-” He begins, only for Felix to cut him off, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

 

“Again.” He says it firmer this time, and Hyunjin’s eyes harden.

 

“Okay,” The boy agrees, bangs flopping forward. “But after this, we’re taking a break.”

 

Felix doesn’t answer, just rolls his neck against his shoulders and nods when he’s ready. They begin. He doesn’t stop, even when Hyunjin has him cornered, ducking under the sword, rolling forward and pointing the tip of his own blade against the pirate’s back.

 

“Dead.” He says, voice gruff, turning his face a fraction to stare Changbin dead in the eyes. And he doesn’t lower his sword until Hyunjin drops his own and kicks it out of reach.

 

“Well done.” He vaguely recognizes Hyunjin’s voice filling his ears, but his focus is on the quartermaster. They meet eyes for a good few seconds, a staring contest if you will. Then Changbin clears his throat and looks away, a flush high on his cheeks.

 

Felix will prove it to him. He’ll prove to Changbin that he belongs here, that he’s worthy. He will.

 

***

 

Felix has made a habit of climbing up to the crow’s nest before bed. Jeongin welcomes him with open arms, pulling him into a cuddle and pointing out across the sea in the direction the bowsprit is pointing.

 

“Taiwan.” He says, and Felix’s eyes widen.

 

“Already?” He asks, surprised.

 

“Yep.” Jeongin nods his head knowingly. “Seungmin hyung says we’ll reach it in a few days.”

 

Felix doesn’t know how to feel, what to expect. He could leave the ship, live a life away from the sea. He’s only been here for a few weeks, but he finds himself unwilling to leave. Still, he feels a lack of belonging, he feels unworthy, even after all his training. Jeongin seems to sense his internal struggle.

 

“Felix,” he begins softly. “It’s okay if you want to leave. We’ve given you no reason to stay. If anything, we’ve made things worse for you.”

 

Felix stares at him blankly, orange hair falling into his eyes.

 

“I don’t want to leave!” He blurts, before he knows it. His eyes widen a little before he repeats the words, calmly this time, quiet, even. “I don’t want to leave.”

 

Jeongin gazes at him imploringly.

 

“You’ve given me a home.” Felix says, voice cracking. “It might not be the best, but it’s the best I’ve ever had. I don’t want to leave.”

 

“But?” Jeongin questions, and Felix’s shoulders slump, eyes falling to where his hands are wrapped around his knees.

 

“But I-” Felix begins, closing his mouth, opening it again, searching for the right words. “I don’t know if I’m wanted.”

 

Jeongin’s eyes darken.

 

“Changbin hyung has no say over what you choose.” He says lowly, voice filled with quieted anger. “Don’t let him intimidate into doing something you don’t want to.”

 

Felix nibbles at his lip, thinking about his options.

 

“Can I have more time to decide?” He asks quietly, feeling small. Jeongin’s face softens, eyes twinkling even in the dark.

 

“Of course.” He says, and Felix has never felt so relieved. “Take all the time you need.”   

 

By the time he clambers down from the crow’s nest, he’s exhausted. His limbs are heavy and sore from training with Hyunjin. The options he has weigh heavily on his mind. His head hurts. As he begins to walk to the crew’s quarters, he’s stopped by a sturdy hand on his shoulder. He looks up, and his lips part in shock.

 

Changbin stands there, near the foot of the main mast, looking straight at him. He stares, eyes dark and filled with something Felix can’t read. He doesn’t talk. His hand doesn’t leave Felix’s shoulder for a good while.

 

“Wha-” Felix begins, but the quartermaster drops his hand from his shoulder, turns, and walks away. He doesn’t go towards the bunks. His footsteps lead to the captain’s cabin.

 

Felix feels a rush of something he doesn’t understand, confusion, maybe. He crawls into bed and gently settles the knit blanket- Changbin’s, he realizes- over his body. When he sleeps that night, his dreams are haunted by dark eyes and something other than danger.

 

***

 

Chan comes to him not two days later. Felix is eating breakfast, biscuits and honey, and the captain rests his hand on Felix’s shoulder, the same way Changbin had just days before. Felix whips around, eyes wild, darting everywhere before they land on Chan’s face. He calms down in seconds.

 

The captain looks at him as if contemplating something, before his mouth opens to speak.

 

“We’re headed to Taiwan.” He says slowly, allowing it to sink in. “If you go up to the crow’s nest, you can see it from there. We’ll reach it by nightfall, and there are some things you should know before then.”

 

Felix nods softly, open to what he’s about to hear. Chan settles down next to him on the deck.

 

“It’s the Lantern Festival. Since we’re coming from the north, there’s going to be lanterns, everywhere. Try not to be too surprised.” He chuckles, his dark curls falling into his eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

 

A soft smile creeps over Felix’s face. The idea of lights, everywhere, their warm glow covering everything- it makes him happy.

 

“But,” Chan warns, voice dropping slightly. “We are pirates. This is a pirate ship. It can’t be seen. I’ll have Ronan lower our colors, and we’ll lower anchor in a cove off the coast.”

 

Felix nods, determined. He hadn’t realized before, but he wouldn’t dream of giving the pirate crew he’d grown fond of away.

 

“We can’t be recognized, either.” The captain continues, nodding his head as well, his curls bouncing slightly. Felix still can’t see how this man, so soft when he’s with his crew, could possibly be a known pirate captain, infamous for the cities pillaged and navy soldiers killed by himself, as well as his crew. “So we’ll have to wear masks. Luckily, that’s not uncommon during the festival.”

 

He holds up a porcelain mask Felix hadn’t realized he was holding. The boy gasps. There’s a butterfly with golden wings on the front, spotted with black and white and designs so intricate Felix can’t fathom how they were made. Black swirls decorate the cheeks, it has holes where the eyes are and ends above the lips. There’s a shimmering golden string hooked through two holes on either side of the mask.

 

“I pulled this out of storage for you.” The captain says, dangling it in Felix’s face. “Here, try it on.

 

Felix takes it, holding it in his hands gently. Chan helps him hook the string over his ears, holding the delicate mask in place.

 

“How do I look?” Felix asks, looking at Chan through the eye holes, watching as the captain’s lips part before they stretch into a grin.

“Amazing.” Is all he says, before he turns around. “Hey Changbinnie!”

 

Felix’s heart plummets, and leaps into his throat at the same time. There’s the sound of heavy footsteps, clinking of belts drawing closer.

 

“What?” The rough voice asks, and Felix turns to look at him, the mask still pressed gently against his face. He sees the moment Changbin realizes who he is. His narrowed eyes widen a fraction and his muscles tense up, before he forces himself into relaxation, face falling into something blank. Felix isn’t sure why he feels disappointed.

 

“What do you think?” Chan asks playfully, gesturing to the mask on Felix’s face. “Was this the right choice?”

 

The quartermaster scoffs, rolling his eyes. Felix lowers his own, missing the way Changbin’s eyes soften but still feeling them on him.

 

“Why should I care?” The pirate asks bitterly, and his belt buckles clink together as he runs his fingers through his dark hair. Felix looks back up, and Changbin immediately shifts his gaze to the floor, not meeting his eyes.

 

Felix has just about given up, wondering why Changbin is here, before the pirate speaks again.

 

“It looks nice.” He mumbles, eyes still on the ground. Then he turns, and just as abruptly as he had a few days ago, he leaves.

 

Felix is confused, but he doesn’t expect the first words that come out of his mouth to be,

 

“What’s _his_ problem?” His eyes widen at the realization of what he’d just said, a hand coming up to clasp over his mouth. Chan chuckles from beside him, and it’s then that Felix realizes he still has the mask on. He removes it carefully, still flushing in embarrassment, and hands it over to Chan.

 

He’s surprised when the captain refuses, pushing it back towards Felix’s chest.

 

“Keep it.” He says, voice warm, a smile on his face. “You’ll need it for tonight.”

 

Felix cradles it to his chest, and he feels warmth fill his whole body. This is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LAST IT IS DONE
> 
> im gonna try to upload more frequently after this, but it might not be on a regular schedule, as the quarter is just ending in school right now. ive been doing a lot of research on things like ship and sword anatomy, sailing terms, and even the culture of other asian countries. it's been fun, if not a little stressful, and im glad to be learning so many new things! 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as i did writing it! 
> 
> my twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is gay-but-woah in case you want to talk or just yell at me in general!


	5. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Hyunjin and Jeongin set about lighting theirs, Felix stares down at his own lantern. He’s not sure how to light it, but he’s content to wait for his friends to help him. Friends. Maybe it’s the glow of the lanterns, but he feels a light coming from inside him, warming his heart and causing him to smile. Someone leans over to light his, and as it begins to glow, he opens his mouth to thank them, expecting Hyunjin or Jeongin. But when he looks up, he’s filled with surprise.
> 
>  
> 
> Standing in front of him, lit up with orange light, is the quartermaster of the Broken Compass.

They drop anchor in a cove on the northern coast of Taiwan, just as the sun is beginning to set. Felix looks on in awe at the ripples of the water reflected on the stone walls. The crew sets about readying row boats to lower into the water. He feels a presence behind him and turns, only to see the quartermaster standing there, fidgeting with his belts. It seems to be a habit of his. Felix’s face turns down into a slight frown, contemplating why Changbin would want to interact with him. The memory of two nights before still lingers in his mind.

 

The pirate scoffs, blowing his hair out of his face with a huff.

 

“Don’t you look happy to see me.” He gripes. His lips are tugged down at the corners, but there’s something strange in his eyes, something Felix can’t read. 

 

“Should I be?” Felix counters, frown deepening. The pirate seems to falter for a moment before sweeping his hair out of his eyes. It’s then that Felix notices the lack of his trademark bandana. But Changbin is quick to regain his ground.

 

“No.” He growls, averting his eyes. Then, “Do you plan on leaving?” 

 

Felix blinks several times, quick in succession. Then his brows furrow, face twisting into a scowl. 

 

“And how is that any of your business?” He snaps, clutching the mask in his hand so hard he begins to fear it will break. Changbin finally meets his eyes, and his stare is unrelenting.

 

“You could give our position away if you leave.” He says suspiciously, eyes narrowing. “A lot of people could get hurt.” 

 

Felix bristles, opening his mouth to speak, but Changbin cuts him off before a word leaves his lips. 

 

“Hyunjin and Jeongin like you.” The quartermaster says, quieter now. “Don’t fuck anything up.” 

 

_ “Everything revolves around my crew. I’m taking care of them.”  _ The words from that day ring in Felix’s ears as he realizes that Changbin might have been partially right. He does care about the Broken Compass’ crew, and he tries his hardest to take care of them. Even if his perception is skewed. 

 

Felix has watched him from afar since that day, and he’s definitely noticed the way Changbin seems softer with the younger members of the crew, and how much he respects the captain and his hyungs. So maybe Felix has learned something in the process of all that staring. His face flushes. 

 

“I’m not leaving.” He murmurs, eyes flitting away from Changbin’s, the first time he’s lost one of their unconventional staring contests. From his peripheral vision he sees the quartermaster’s lips twitch up into a barely there smirk. 

 

“Good.” 

 

***

 

Chan lists the crew members who will be coming with him, some for a supply run, and others purely to celebrate, Hyunjin and Jeongin being among them. Changbin, Minho, Chan, and a member of the crew Felix has come to know as Li Hua, a quiet, surly man with fair skin and coal black hair, will come on the supply run as well, while Jisung, Woojin, Seungmin, Ronan, and the other crew members will stay on board. Before they settle inside the row boats, Woojin calls out to them in a stern voice.

 

“I need dried meats, fruits, anything non perishable that I can  _ use.  _ Which means no, for the love of God, no dairy or eggs. I can’t do shit with those.” The cook sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Don’t forget to stock up on water. Seaweed would be nice, rice, and I keep running low on apples.” He shoots a look at Minho, who puts his hands up in the air in surrender, but Felix notices Changbin shifting uncomfortably, his cheeks suspiciously red. 

 

Felix hasn’t noticed him sneaking any, but then again, he rarely sees Changbin around ship, and if he does, he tries not to focus on him for too long. His heart palpitations still haven’t gone away. He hears a thunderingly loud whistle and turns to see the crew already boarding the boats, Changbin standing at the rail, eyebrows raised expectantly. Felix can feel heat rush to his face in embarrassment and hurries towards the boats. Before he’s fully there, Changbin calls out to him.

 

“Are you coming, apple boy?” And you know what? Even though the nickname is questionable, it’s better than being called prisoner for two weeks straight. He boards one of the boats, settling in place between Jeongin and Hyunjin, who separate their hands to make room for him. His eyebrows shoot up under his hair. He’ll have to ask the pair about  _ that _ later. 

 

Changbin sits in front of them, sleeves rolled up, showing off his muscle and tanned skin. Felix feels his face flush again, and he looks down at the floor of the boat to avoid staring. Jeongin stifles a giggle from beside him and Hyunjin has a knowing smile on his face. When Felix looks back up, his eyes meet Changbin’s, who’s smirking slightly.

 

“Something wrong, pink lady?” He asks, and Felix sputters indignantly. 

 

“Pink  _ what?”  _ He has no idea where this income of nicknames is coming from, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t slightly enjoy it. Hyunjin laughs, a short, shocked sound emitting from his lips, and Felix flushes an even deeper shade of red. Changbin raises his eyebrows and leans forward.

 

“You do know what a pink lady is, right?” He says in an over exaggerated whisper, and Felix wants to wipe that smug look from his face. “The apple?”

 

“Of course I do.” He says shortly, embarrassment making him snappish. “But  _ why?”  _

 

The boat has finally been lowered into the water, and Li Hua is looking on, as if disgusted. He and Changbin gather the oars in their hands and begin to row. Felix looks away again, away from the flexing of Changbin’s arms and to the water, the bottom of the boat, anywhere else. The quartermaster snorts at him. 

 

“Why what?” He’s teasing, but there’s something condescending in his voice that makes Felix want to punch him in the face and get revenge for that black eye he’d been given. 

 

“Why are you  _ calling  _ me that?” Felix is very confused, and very, very irritable. Li Hua huffs from behind him and Felix resists the urge to look at the pirate. He has the feeling Li Hua doesn’t like him very much. Changbin shrugs, and continues rowing, the muscles in his arms bulging. 

 

“When you blush, you turn pink.” Felix blushes right then and there. “See? Like that.” The quartermaster looks at Jeongin and Hyunjin as if seeking confirmation. The boys just give him toothy grins. Changbin huffs and looks away. He mutters something under his breath.

 

Hyunjin guffaws. 

 

“Did you just say it’s pretty?” He asks, smiling wide. Felix hides his face in his hands. Changbin scoffs. 

 

“Of course not.” He snaps. “I said it was pretty funny.” 

 

Felix’s head snaps up and he glares at the quartermaster. 

 

“Is everything you do just to make me the butt of one of your stupid jokes?” He growls, embarrassment returning, not the good kind. Changbin’s eyes seem to widen and he stops rowing. “It’s not funny. I’m not funny.” 

 

“Ugh.” Li Hua sighs aggressively, also stopping. “Can you not involve us in your lovers’ quarrel? The captain is already on shore.” 

 

And he’s right. It doesn’t stop Felix and Changbin glaring at him, though. They resume rowing, and Changbin doesn’t say anything else, but he looks like he’s sulking. Not that Felix is looking. 

 

When they reach the shore, Chan fixes Changbin and Li Hua with an expectant stare. Li Hua throws his hands up in the air exasperatedly and stomps off with his mask in hand. Felix glances Changbin’s way and sees him donning his own mask. It covers his whole face, unlike Felix’s, and is dressed with feathers and beads along the sides. The face of the mask is painted with bold stripes and threatening markings, red and black and white. Felix doesn’t recognize the animal, but the pointy ears fixed atop the mask give him the notion that it might be a wild cat of some kind, though not one he’s seen before. 

 

“It’s a tiger.” Minho says from beside him, and Felix startles, gaze breaking away from the quartermaster’s mask.

 

“A what?” He asks, not sure if he heard correctly. 

 

“A tiger.” Minho repeats. “Sometimes we see them when we stop by India. If we’re lucky, we don’t. As of now, we’ve only ever seen them from afar.” 

 

He dons his own mask, a cat with a simple design of stripes and dots, nowhere near as bold as Changbin’s. There’s minimal feathers along the sides. It’s pretty, in a plain sort of way.

 

“You should put on your own.” The doctor tells him, adjusting his mask and fixing his hair. Felix tries to, but his hair gets in the way of the porcelain and sticks into his eyes. He hisses and blinks to get rid of the sting while Minho fixes it for him. When he looks up through the holes of his mask, he sees Changbin glaring at him. They lock eyes, and share a silent moment that leaves Felix feeling more confused than before. 

 

“What?” He snaps, feeling embarrassed and singled out. He’s grateful that Changbin can’t see his blush this time. But instead of responding, the quartermaster just turns, hefts a bulky looking bag over his shoulder, and walks away. 

 

“What is his  _ problem?”  _ Felix hisses, feeling more and more confused with every interaction he has with the pirate. Minho just rests a hand on his shoulder and gestures forward with his chin, so Felix begins walking as well. The other crew members split up, leaving Hyunjin and Jeongin to guide him around. Already, there are a few lanterns dotting the sky. 

 

They take a shortcut through some rocks and trees and while Felix bats away a few mosquitos, Jeongin and Hyunjin link hands again, chatting amiably.

 

“Where are we going again?” He interrupts without meaning to, gaze flitting around the clearing they’re in. 

 

“Tanshui!” Hyunjin exclaims, not at all bothered at being interrupted. “We’ll be able to see the lanterns well from there. It’s not far.” Jeongin nods along with his every word. 

 

Felix hadn’t noticed their masks before, but he’s not at all surprised when he sees what they are. Jeongin’s is a fox, with whiskers of wire made from metal of some kind. The markings on it are broad strokes of orange pigment, rust and cream contrasting with each other. The reddish brown of his hair looks nice with it. 

 

Hyunjin's is a rabbit. The ears are long grey plumage from some kind of bird, and there are white dots lessening in size over the brows of the eye holes. His mask stops over his lips, like Felix's, and the boy feels a little less out of place. 

 

“Are the lanterns very pretty?” Felix asks, adjusting his mask a little bit. “From up close?” 

 

Jeongin nods wildly, his hair bouncing along with each movement. 

 

“Hyunjinnie and I have only been once! We don't come this way often, but I assume Changbin hyung wanted to make an impression.” 

 

Felix stops in place, his feet grounding into the dirt. 

 

“Changbin?” He asks, confused. “Not Chan? Chan didn't choose this course?” 

 

Hyunjin shakes his head. 

 

“Nope!” He exclaims. “He said he wanted to get something specifically from Taiwan before we hit the Philippines, but everyone knows the real reason he wanted to go.” 

 

“The real reason?” Felix echoes, resuming his walking, albeit a bit hesitantly. Hyunjin and Jeongin share a look and Jeongin giggles. 

 

“He wanted to impress you.” The younger gushes, as if he's spilling some sort of forbidden secret. Felix's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. 

 

“He  _ what?”  _ He asks, mouth gaping, halting in his tracks once more. The others stop and wait for him, twin looks of mischief on their faces. “No way. You're lying. He  _ hates _ me.” 

 

Hyunjin lets out a loud, clear laugh. Felix won't lie, it's pretty. The pirate shakes his head, the little ponytail in the back bouncing along. 

 

“No he doesn't.” He grabs Felix's hand and pulls him forward, resuming their walk. Felix openly stares as he's yanked along.

 

“He punched me in the face!” He squawks indignantly, scrambling to keep up with the pace Hyunjin and Jeongin have set, skipping with Felix in between them. 

 

“You called him a crybaby!” Hyunjin laughs back at him, and Felix is immediately ready to defend himself. 

 

“I didn't say anything that wasn't the truth.” He says haughtily, and pulls ahead of the two pirates, his nose in the air. 

 

“True,” Jeongin says, scratching at his nose thoughtfully. “But it was a major hit to his pride. And the whole crew was watching.” 

 

Felix flushes bright red. He hadn't noticed anyone watching, too caught up in his anger and then the pain of being punched. 

 

“Him punching you basically proved your point, though.” Hyunjin adds. “So who really won in the end?” 

 

Felix is looking back and forth between the other boys. All of this is news to him. His lips part in shock at the revelation. 

 

“He still hates me though.” He groans frustratedly. “None of what you're saying proves that he doesn't hate me.” 

 

Hyunjin smirks at him, head tilted to the side. 

 

“I think our time in the boat is enough to prove that, don't you?” He supplies, unhelpfully, and Felix is blushing full force again at the memory. 

 

“He was just making fun of me.” He says sulkily, pouting his lips out. “And it wasn't funny.” 

 

Hyunjin lets out one of his trademark laughs, short and tinkly like a bell ringing. He puts his hand on Felix's shoulders. 

 

“Felix,” He says, breathless from all the laughing he's been doing. “You're so oblivious.” 

 

Felix is honestly about to protest,  _ to what?  _ But by then they've reached the end of the woods. Out in front of them is a dirt road, carts rolling along in both directions, stands filled with colorful foods and garments- it's beautiful. But nothing can compare to when Felix looks up at the sky. 

 

There are lanterns  _ everywhere.  _ Even where it looks like there isn't room, more appear or float up beside the others. They're paper, cylindrical, and filled with glowing orange and yellow lights, what looks to be Chinese symbols written on their sides. Felix has never been good at Chinese. He'd been taught some, in the few years he was allowed to go to school, but it didn't stick. Felix watches children and their parents light their own lanterns and set them off into the air. 

 

Jeongin lets out a joyful squeal and tugs Felix, and therefore by association, Hyunjin, along with him, stopping at the first stall he sees. There are rows of beaded necklaces in little wooden boxes, some tumbled or raw gemstones, and feathers of every color imaginable. His fingers trail along a cream plume, small in size. When he absentmindedly asks Hyunjin how they find birds of such colors, the pirate giggles. 

 

“They dye them.” He says, playfully. “I'm assuming your hair is  _ naturally _ orange?” 

 

Felix just nods, running his fingers through the mass of beads in the cartons. He doesn't realize that Hyunjin has stopped and is staring at him until a few moments later. 

 

“Seungmin's hair is red…” He says, hesitantly. Hyunjin's eyes are wide, and Felix realizes that Jeongin is watching him as well. He resumes stroking the beads. 

 

“Seungmin dyes his hair.” Jeongin says quietly. 

 

“Oh.” Felix murmurs, eyes widening. “What does that mean for me?” 

 

Hyunjin stares for a moment before he shakes his head, conveniently removing all of his thoughts in the process. 

 

“It doesn't matter!” He beams, a twinkle in his eyes. “Because if we don't get some tangyuan right now, it's  _ over _ for the both of you. I'll eat you up instead.” He snaps his teeth together several times and raises his arms above his head for effect. While Jeongin screeches and runs away, Felix stands still and mouths the words silently, trying them out on his tongue. 

 

He comes back to reality when Jeongin jogs back to tug on his shirt. Felix moves to set down the feather in his hand, a deep, rich red, fiery orange light dancing along the plumage from the glow of the lanterns nearby, but the elderly woman at the stand raises her hand to stop him. He freezes, afraid he did something wrong, but she just pushes the hand clutching the feather towards his chest, and points at him. 

 

Felix points at himself as well, like an echo, seconds behind. The woman nods and smiles, revealing a mouth full of crooked teeth, some seemingly made of a type of animal bone. Her own white hair is dressed with feathers the color of the daytime sky, her eyes a clouded blue. 

 

“You.” She says, in Korean. “You.” It's gentle, motherly even, and Felix feels a rush of comfort, even though he's a bit confused. Even more so when the woman takes the feather from him, before she tucks it behind his ear. He stares at her from under his mask. 

 

“I don't have any money.” He says weakly, eyes stinging. The woman just shakes her head, and points her finger at his chest again. 

 

“You.” 

 

Felix is broken out of his reverie when Jeongin tugs on his shirt again. 

 

“Come on.” He says softly, tugging once more. Felix mouths a silence “Thank you.” to the woman, and allows Jeongin to pull him away. 

 

They walk for a bit in silence towards Hyunjin, before Jeongin speaks up again. 

 

“What was that about?” He asks, and Felix just stares ahead at the red lanterns hanging from lines of string on the roofs of the buildings.

 

“I don’t know.” He murmurs, and a hand comes up to run along the edges of the feather in his hair. 

 

They reach the spot where Hyunjin is standing, and a wide smile stretches across his face, his eyes scrunching closed. 

 

“Let’s go!” He says excitedly, and grabs Felix’s hand again before breaking into a run. A sharp, surprised laugh leaves Felix’s mouth as he runs to catch up, Jeongin not too far behind them. 

 

They run for a bit, and Felix takes in his surroundings, the crisp evening air, the glow of lanterns above and around them, the clamor of children running along beside them or playing at the sides of the streets. Carts roll along packed with goods and fireworks, and the smell of cooked meat and something sweet hangs in the air. Hyunjin stops suddenly, and Felix nearly goes flying to the ground, only stopped by Jeongin’s hand on his shoulder. 

 

They’re at a stall on the side of the road, and Felix suddenly realizes where the sweet smell is permeating from. Hyunjin points to a bowl of rice cakes in a broth of some kind, some clear, others tinted pink. 

 

“Tangyuan.” He whispers loudly. Felix almost rolls his eyes, but catches himself before he does so. A soft smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “You have to have some. If you don’t, it’s bad luck.”

 

Felix isn’t sure if there’s any such thing as good or bad luck charms, but he doesn’t want to take the risk. Hyunjin pulls some coins from a small bag he’d been keeping in his pocket, and hands them over to the vendor. In return, he gains a smile and a bowl of the rice cakes, as well as a pair of wooden chopsticks. He picks one up and moves it towards Felix, who opens his mouth hesitantly, and pops it inside all at once. 

 

Felix chews for a bit and then makes a sound of enjoyment. The rice cake itself is sweet, but there’s a paste inside that is even sweeter. 

 

“Wha is ih?” He says around a mouthful, struggling to swallow. His cheeks puff out a little at the sides and Jeongin coos at him. He flushes pink, he’s sure. 

 

“Rice cakes!” Hyunjin beams. At Felix’s questioning glance, he continues. “They’re filled with date paste. Good, aren’t they?” Felix nods, finally able to swallow. Jeongin appears again, and Felix startles, not even aware that he’d left. He’s carrying a clear bottle of something that smells like something Felix can’t quite name. 

 

“It’s rice wine.” He whispers excitedly. “Just don’t tell the hyungs.” Felix feels something bubbly rise up inside of him, the excitement of keeping a secret overwhelming any guilt he might feel. Jeongin hands him the bottle, and Felix takes a hesitant sip. 

 

It’s rich in flavor, and he hums, taking another gulp before he lowers the bottle. He hands it back to Jeongin, who takes a swig and passes it to Hyunjin. 

 

“Let’s go to the water.” The oldest’s hair bounces as he jumps up and down, a little wobbly. 

 

“He’s a lightweight.” Jeongin whispers in Felix’s ear. “Don’t let him have too much.” 

 

They walk along, sipping the wine and chatting amiably, Felix staying mostly quiet on his part. Before they know it, they’re at the water. There’s a cart parked on the sand banks, filled with paper lanterns, not yet lit. Hyunjin pulls out more coins and the vendor hands them each a lantern. Felix feels giddy with excitement, watching the lanterns surrounding them, filling the air with a soft orange glow and reflecting on the water. 

 

As Hyunjin and Jeongin set about lighting theirs, Felix stares down at his own lantern. He’s not sure how to light it, but he’s content to wait for his friends to help him.  _ Friends.  _ Maybe it’s the glow of the lanterns, but he feels a light coming from inside him, warming his heart and causing him to smile. Someone leans over to light his, and as it begins to glow, he opens his mouth to thank them, expecting Hyunjin or Jeongin. But when he looks up, he’s filled with surprise. 

 

Standing in front of him, lit up with orange light, is the quartermaster of the Broken Compass. He doesn’t realize it at first, but the mask gives it away. The stripes on the porcelain are practically glowing, emboldened by shadows dancing across his face. Their eyes meet through their masks and Felix feels a shudder wrack through his body. 

 

_ What are you doing here?  _ He wants to ask, but he can’t seem to bring his vocal chords to work. And so, like always, it’s Changbin who speaks first. 

 

“You’re glowing.” He says, and Felix shudders again at the quiet rasp of his voice. Changbin, by coincidence, is also glowing. Felix wants to say something smart, talk back, but Changbin looks so different in this light, so… Soft.  They stand there, holding the lantern together, and the world seems to stop around them. And maybe it’s the rice wine, or the excitement from the festival, but Felix feels a smile begin to form on his face. Changbin blinks a couple times before looking away, but the spell isn’t yet broken. 

 

“It’s beautiful.” Changbin says, and Felix blushes, grateful that his cheeks are covered by his mask. “Look.” 

 

And maybe he’s a little disappointed that the quartermaster wasn’t talking about him, but when he looks up, he’s left breathless for a whole other reason. The skies are alight with lanterns, some round, others rectangular, all pretty and glowing and perfect. More float up to join them. Felix feels something rough brush his hands, and when he looks down, Changbin’s fingers are touching his own. 

 

“Let’s let it go.” He says, voice rough, filled with something Felix can’t understand, and when he looks up into the older’s eyes once more, they’re sparkling. He can’t tell if there’s a double meaning to Changbin’s words, but he nods anyway. They let go at the same time, and their lantern floats up to join the others. 

 

Felix is staring up at it as it twirls for a bit, bumping into a few others before setting its course up and over the sea water. When he looks back down, Changbin is staring at him again. His hand raises, about to move forward, but when Felix flinches away, it lowers again. There's something defeated about the quartermaster’s posture, then. 

 

“I'm sorry.” He whispers. What for, Felix doesn't know. For teasing him earlier? For being rude to him for weeks? For punching him in the face? He doesn't know, but whatever it is, somehow, he isn't mad about it. He stays quiet. This time, when Changbin raises his hand, he doesn’t flinch. 

 

The quartermaster’s hand smoothes over the cheekbone of Felix’s mask, then moves to the feather in his hair. The shimmer of the lanterns surrounding them reflects in his eyes. Felix lets him play with the feather without moving, but soon Changbin moves away. For a moment, he wishes he could have felt the pirate’s touch on his skin. He’s back in a moment, another lantern in his hand. It’s been lit already, and has floated towards them on the course of a gentle breeze. Gentle, like Changbin’s eyes in that moment. 

 

There’s a Chinese character painted onto the paper of the lantern in deep red. Felix runs his fingers along it, and Changbin pushes it towards him, softly. The younger holds it in awe, the soft orange glow filling him with warmth. He likes pretty things. His eyes flit up to Changbin’s as the light inside the paper flickers. He licks his lips before opening his mouth to speak. 

 

“What does it mean?” He asks quietly. Changbin falters for a moment, averting his gaze. He reaches to hold the edges of Felix’s fingers in his own, easily encompassing a good amount of the lantern as well. 

 

“Again.” He whispers, and Felix has no choice but to listen to him. They release the lantern together, and it rises gently into the air. When Felix looks back down, he sees Changbin staring at him, eyes filled with awe. 

 

“You’re glowing.” He says again. Felix blushes. 

 

“So are you.” He tries, but Changbin just shakes his head. 

 

“No,” He replies, taking Felix’s hand in his own and raising it so Felix can see. “No, you’re  _ glowing.”  _

 

And much to Felix’s surprise, he is. There’s an orange light seemingly pulsing under the skin of his wrist, through his veins. He stares at it, at his hand in Changbin’s, then lifts his other hand to do the same. When he looks back at Changbin, around him, he can see the crowds of people on the beach staring at him, murmuring in a language he knows he can’t understand. Hyunjin and Jeongin are there among them, eyes wide.

 

A man starts to make his way forwards to them, to Felix, and nothing about him is friendly. Felix stiffens, and the spell is broken. He stares frightfully at the man, whose face is twisted into a malicious grin, and Changbin does something he never would have expected, though he seems to be doing a lot of that tonight. The quartermaster pulls Felix behind him, a protective hand around his waist, his other resting on the blade at his side. 

 

“Hyung,” Someone whispers, and Felix knows from the voice that it’s Jeongin. “Hyung, we need to go. We can’t cause a scene.” 

 

Changbin looks behind him, at Felix, at his crewmates, and he nods hesitantly. He takes Felix’s hand in his own rough one, interlacing their fingers, and pulls him forward, starting a fast pace of walking that turns into running. Felix can hear Hyunjin and Jeongin panting from beside him, their boot-clad feet kicking up sand and then dust from the dirt roads, but he can also hear something else, a holler, and he thinks of the man’s grin and shudders. 

 

“Come on,” Changbin says, tugging him forward roughly, and Felix hurries to comply. 

 

They run through the streets, taking turns and ducking behind buildings until they can’t hear the hollering anymore, the lanterns and festivities forgotten. They come to a sudden stop behind a stall, their hands still clasped together. Hyunjin and Jeongin skid to a halt behind them, panting and looking around wildly. 

 

“What was that?” Hyunjin hisses, looking at Felix with wide eyes. Felix looks at his hands, his veins, his skin again, and notices that the glow is gone. 

 

“I-” He starts, voice shaky. “I don’t know.” 

Changbin huffs beside him, letting go of Felix’s hand, and Felix wants it back, the comfort, the warmth. 

 

“It doesn’t matter,” The quartermaster gripes. “We have to get back to Chan hyung and the others. Something is wrong.” 

 

There’s a silent agreement between the four of them, and they start walking again, slower, more quietly this time. Felix trails behind with Jeongin, trembling from exertion and slight fear. 

 

“Are you okay?” The younger asks, reaching for Felix's hand, where he can still feel the leftover heat from Changbin's death grip. Felix just nods, not trusting his voice at the moment. His thoughts are full of Changbin, he can't stop thinking about the quartermaster’s hand in his own. 

 

They meet up with Chan at a fork in the road, just before the path that Felix, Hyunjin, and Jeongin had taken as a shortcut. The captain seems to sense something is wrong, just as Changbin had.

 

“We need to get back to the ship.” The quartermaster growls, and Chan just nods. They walk as quickly as they can without giving themselves away. Minho and Li Hua stay at the back, swords drawn, while Chan leads the way, hand on the hilt of his own. Seungmin stays alert, but Felix can't see a weapon on him. There's a pouch tied on a stretch of rope around his waist, and his hand rests there, like Chan's does on his sword. 

 

As they reach the stretch of sand before the opening to the cove, they hear the distant sound of cannon fire. Felix's eyes widen, and he hears Changbin curse a little in front of him. They break into a run, kicking up sand but hardly caring, determined to get to the ship. 

 

By the time they get inside, the sound of cannons firing has gotten louder, making Felix's ears ring and his hands shake. He gulps as he takes in the sight before him. 

 

The Broken Compass is under attack. And the opposing ship is one of the Korean Navy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO   
> THIS ONE IS SO LONG PLEASE I ALMOST DIED WRITINF IT   
> baby chaaangbeaaaan   
> basically changbin and felix are both disaster gays but wbk at this point  
> dumb fucks   
> REGARDLESS   
> i rlly hope yall liked this chapter because i put a lot of work into it   
> i have BIG plans for this one so please stick with me even if my posting schedule ends up being irregular! 
> 
> please come scream at me on twitter i enjoy it  
> my @ is @zinniachild   
> my tumbler is gay-but-woah   
> i have a curious cat now!! please ask me questions if u have any, u can find the link here! 
> 
> https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=1553749290
> 
> thank u for reading!!!


	6. Lee Hajoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He's not yours to call a monster.” The pulsing beneath Felix's skin as it glowed and the look of awe in Changbin's eyes as the lanterns lifted into the air.
> 
>  
> 
> The quartermaster’s hand comes up to grip the man by his throat, and with pure strength, he lifts him off the ground. Felix watches in fear, in fascination, something, he doesn't know what to call it.
> 
>  
> 
> “He's family.” And with that, Changbin stabs the soldier through the heart.

**_“Take cover!!!”_ ** Comes Chan's booming voice, but Felix can't move. He watches as a cannon of the opposing ship focuses on the shore, towards him, towards the others, but he's frozen. An unknown force shoves him several feet away onto the ground, and Felix looks up to see Changbin glaring down at him darkly. The quartermaster yanks his own mask off of his face, revealing his features twisted in something pained.

 

“You heard the captain!” He yells, yanking Felix up by his shirt and pushing him back a few more steps. “Take fucking cover!” 

 

The last half of his words is cut off by the crash and boom of an explosion, much louder than the others. Sand flies everywhere, into Felix's eyes and clouding his vision, some ending up in his throat. He coughs roughly, his lungs heaving to rid themselves of the intrusion. When he opens his eyes, there's nothing but dust, and Changbin is nowhere to be seen. Not that it's hard for anything to disappear with the amount of fine dust in the air. He reaches out blindly with his hands, stumbling, mouth opening to call out.

 

“Changbin!” He cries hoarsely, bumping into something and running his hands along it. It's rough and cold, and he realizes it's the stone wall of the cove. “Changbin!” 

 

There's no time for honorifics, it's too urgent, and honestly, he's sure the quartermaster wouldn't mind it at a time like this. He stumbles around, feeling along the wall and blinking the sand out of his watering eyes, searching for the crew around him. 

 

“Felix!” He hears, and spins around, but it's not Changbin. Where is Changbin? A dark figure dashes towards him through the dust, hair flying every which way. Through the eye holes of his mask, Felix watches as it becomes clearer.

 

“Hyunjin?” He asks, raising his voice and squinting his eyes. The pirate only stops when he's quite literally looming over Felix, and offers his hand, the other gripping the hilt of his sword, which still rests upon his hip. 

 

“There's no time,” The pirate pants. “We need to get back to the ship.” 

 

Felix looks at him fearfully, eyes wide. 

 

“How?” He asks, looking through the dust the best he can as more explosions sound from across the strip of sand. Hyunjin just grins at him, a twinkle in his eye. 

 

“Jisung has us covered.” With that, he turns around and pulls Felix towards their unknown destination (at least on Felix's part). 

 

The trudge through the dust clouds feels too long, even though it can't be more than a few seconds. It's both an advantage and a weakness, their friend and their foe. Felix's gut is tight with fear and adrenaline, is fight or flight reflexes kicking in. They reach the rowboat in record time. 

 

Changbin stands there, beside the boat, and his gaze darkens when it lands on Hyunjin and Felix. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows roughly, and he helps Felix clamber inside, albeit with a rough hand. 

 

“Where's Chan?” Felix coughs, rubbing at his eyes under the porcelain of his mask with the back of his hand while the other grips at a fabric of some kind. He can't get himself to let go, even as Hyunjin settles down beside him. Minho is seated at the back of the boat, oars gripped in his hands. 

 

“On his way to the ship, most likely.” Changbin says, voice nearing a growl. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, you're going to have to let go of me now, pretty.” 

 

Felix's lips part, and he stutters out a  _ yes,  _ letting go of the cloth in his hand immediately, unable to feel anything near embarrassment at this moment in time. Changbin leaps out of the boat and begins to shove it further into the water, arms and shoulders flexing as he moves it one step at a time until the water is sloshing at his knees. 

 

He hops inside, then, gathering the second set of oars, and nods to Minho. They both start rowing in tandem, putting all their force into their strokes, pushing water away in a subtle, but continuous wake. Felix's hands clench around the side of the boat and the sleeve of Hyunjin's shirt, the silk soft in his fingers. He feels fear, uncontrollable, welling up inside of him as the seconds go by. He'd know that flag anywhere, he's seen it a hundred times before, painted on signs on the streets of his hometown. It haunts him wherever he goes, it's- 

 

His thoughts are interrupted by a low rasp, strained, but definitely directed at him. 

 

“Stay with me, pretty. Stay with me.” He looks up into Changbin's eyes, dark, pupils dilated in the rush of pure adrenaline running through his veins as he uses all of his strength at once to propel the boat towards the Broken Compass. And though Felix feels his vision waning, blurring at the edges, his heart pounding, about to break out of his chest, he tries his best to stay. 

 

There's another deep  _ boom,  _ and the water ripples and resonates with the force of the explosion, the wood of the boat rattling, and Felix jerks into Hyunjin's side, a strangled noise tearing up through his throat. The pirate clutches at his hand, linking their fingers and squeezing, once, twice, three times- at the pace of a steady heartbeat, he realizes through the haze of fear that's descended on him. Though Hyunjin's own heart must be racing, pumping blood to all necessary organs, fueling the energy needed to fight, he still replicates a calm one to soothe Felix's anxiety. 

 

And in no time at all, under the cover of the Broken Compass’ own firing guns, they make it to the starboard side, where a rope ladder dangles. There's a creaking and a smash of wood breaking as the gangplank of what Felix assumes is the Navy's ship is lowered. There's a yell from above that sounds like it's being ripped from someone's throat of words that Felix can't decipher, and he swallows around the fear physically manifesting in his throat. 

 

Then someone is taking his hand and squeezing softly, the skin rough, Felix looks forward, eyes wild, and comes face to face with the quartermaster. There's something soft there, but fierce as well. If Felix didn't know better, he'd say that Changbin was protective of him. But he can't be- not now, he has to put his crew first. The pirate looks into his eyes, and helps him stand, keeping him steady, scarred hands gripping onto anything they can reach. Hyunjin's own press something with a familiar shape and weight into Felix's side, and he grips at it blindly, heart clenching in fear. 

 

“You've trained for this.” The urgent whisper should come from Hyunjin, but it's from Changbin instead. “I know you can do it.” 

 

Something in Felix settles, hardens at Changbin's words. He holds the hilt of his rapier tight in his hand and nods steadily, a hand coming up to grip the rope dangling from the side of their ship. He shoves the blade of his sword through a belt loop on his trousers and huffs a breath through his nose, heating the inside of his mask. Then he takes a leap of faith. 

 

Holding onto the rope with both hands, he jumps the short distance from the row boat to the ladder. Without looking behind himself, he begins to climb. He pulls himself up with full force, the rope burning his palms at the speed which he climbs at. He doesn't dare look down. He knows that beneath him lies the water, dark and dangerous, and above is only more danger. He swallows and steels himself before resuming climbing. 

 

By the time he reaches the rail of the ship, the sound of gun firing and swords clashing together has intensified in volume. He peers through the gap between the deck and the top of the rail and takes it all in, breathing in with a sharp gasp. He can spot the members of the crew, Li Hua, Ronan, Jisung, forcing the Navy soldiers back, Seungmin gripping one by the lapels of his coat and throwing him over the rail, narrowly avoiding going down with him. He turns, hair flying into his face, sweaty and wild, and spots Felix behind the rail. 

 

“Felix!” He cries sharply, breath short. He rushes over, ducking under an oncoming sword strike with the skill of someone who has been doing this their whole life. Somehow, Felix doesn't doubt that it's the truth. “Felix, are the others with you?” 

 

Felix gestures behind him with a short jerk of his thumb, hauling himself up and over the guard rail and taking his place beside Seungmin, who peers over the edge, nodding when he finishes counting the rest of his crewmates. For a split second, Felix allows himself to be distracted. Seungmin turns around, and his mouth drops open in a cry of alarm. 

 

“Felix!” He yells, and Felix rips the rapier out of his belt loop, tearing the small circle of fabric in the process, raising the blade over his head to block an oncoming overhead strike. He looks into the eye of his enemy, a man with gray hair and stubble, decked out in a navy uniform, and holds his ground before pushing back with all of his strength and catching the soldier off guard. He drives his boot-clad foot into the man's stomach, knocking him to the ground and thrusting downwards with his sword. 

 

It lands with a thunk in the wood beside the soldier's head. He looks at his trembling hands, at the man's face below him, eyes wide with fright and lips parted and his heart pounds achingly hard in his chest. He'd almost done it. If he hadn't stopped himself, the man underneath him would be dead. He steps back, his whole body shaking, vision blurring as tears sting at his eyes. In the distance he hears Chan's voice giving out orders. 

 

“All cannons, fire!” The captain yells, and the smell of gunpowder fills the air as the cannonballs ricochet through the air and tear through the enemy ship's hull. 

 

The navy soldier gets to his feet, sword in hand, and staggers forward. Felix takes a step back, his eyes flitting up from the palms of his shaky hands to the malice in his foe's eyes. 

 

“Are you ready to meet your end,  _ pirate?”  _ The man spits the words out like they're poison. “Or can I even call you that? Even a pirate has enough sense to kill when he has the chance.” 

 

Everything Hyunjin has ever taught him is right there in a corner of his brain, but he's focused on the rage clearly set on the soldier's face, on the sword in his hand, on the words tumbling out of his own mouth. 

 

“I'm not a pirate,” He says desperately, to himself or the enemy, he doesn't know. Then again, louder, “I'm not a pirate!” 

 

The man laughs, a manic grin tugging at the corners of his lips. 

 

“No?” He asks condescendingly, cocking an eyebrow. “You're here, on a pirate ship, the Broken Compass, no less, fighting the law. I'll entertain you. If you're not a pirate, then what are you,  _ boy?”  _

 

Felix can't answer. He can't, because he doesn't know. His mouth opens and closes like a fish underwater, and he backs up some more. The man raises his sword threateningly, and Felix hones in on the glint of the blade in the light of the flash of cannons. He backs up until he's pressed against something hard, and he feels his heart drop as he realizes that it's the guard rail. He's at the edge of the ship, the only thing between him and the water the rail behind him, in front of him only more danger. 

 

But just before the man is about to strike, to bring his cutlass down on Felix and in that blow without a doubt ending his life, something happens. A flash of light rushes through his line of vision and buries itself in the form of a blade in the man's shoulder. 

 

He howls in pain and backs up, dropping his sword and gripping at the blade in his flesh, trying to free it. But when it moves, it's not him that does it. 

 

“I'll tell you what he is.” A familiar voice growls, every word soaked in anger. Felix opens his eyes, not realizing he had closed them, and sees something broad and shadowed blocking his way. Slightly shorter, but all the more sturdy, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Standing in between Felix and his own once-certain death, is the quartermaster of the Broken Compass. 

 

The sword comes down again with a swing of Changbin's toned arm and slices through the fabric of the man's coat and into the skin of his arm. Felix flinches, and his heart clenches as everything from that night comes back to him. 

 

“He's not a pirate.” The glowing of the lanterns around them, the touch of Changbin's fingers on his. 

 

Another slash, this time across his chest. The soldier lets out a blood curdling scream, red staining his once pure blue coat. 

 

“He's not yours to call a monster.” The pulsing beneath Felix's skin as it glowed and the look of awe in Changbin's eyes as the lanterns lifted into the air. 

 

The quartermaster’s hand comes up to grip the man by his throat, and with pure strength, he lifts him off the ground. Felix watches in fear, in fascination, something, he doesn't know what to call it. 

 

“He's family.” And with that, Changbin stabs the soldier through the heart. 

 

He collapses on the ground, dead. When Changbin turns, his eyes are sharp, and cold. They land on Felix, on his face and further down, as if checking for injuries, and then their eyes meet. Changbin's face softens. Felix feels, rather than sees himself glow. It starts in his chest and travels out through his arms to his fingertips, filling him with warmth and something light. 

 

There's a yell from the other side of the ship, and they both startle. Their moment ends, and they catch sight of Hyunjin forcing his way through a sea of soldiers towards the gangplank, slashing expertly with his sword, but becoming quickly outnumbered. Felix and Changbin meet eyes once more, and Felix nods, mouth set in a firm line, sweating from under the porcelain of his mask. 

 

“I'm okay.” He shouts, loud enough to be heard over the cries of pain and cannon fire. “Go. Hyunjin needs you.” 

 

Changbin nods back at him and takes off, leaping over fallen bodies, all from the Navy, it would seem. Felix sighs in relief, clutching at his chest with his hand. Then he forces himself to stand firmer, to walk forward, and grip the hilt of his rapier in his hand, pulling it out of the wood with some effort. 

 

He surveys his surroundings, the fire on the opposing ship, the blood spattered across the deck in multiple places. He looks for somewhere he could be of use. And he finds it. 

 

On the side of the ship opposite to where Changbin left to, Li Hua is facing two soldiers, cornered by the bow. Felix sturdies his whole body, allows himself to feel the wood beneath his feet, and even lower, more subtle, the rocking of the ship on unsteady waters. Then he moves. 

 

He crosses the deck in more than a few long strides, breaking into a run halfway there. The soldiers are close to Li Hua now, who is panting, blood running down his cheek and neck from a cut under his eye. They corner him against the wood of the bow, and he lashes out, frantic. Too frantic. Felix's heart speeds up. 

 

He's there in an instant, he doesn't know how, but he is. He slams his foot into one of the soldiers’ back, knocking him onto the ground and striking down with his rapier on the other's arm. There's a frightened screech as the injured man looks down at his arm, blood welling up far too fast to do anything about it. Li Hua charges past felix and runs his sword through the man's eye. 

 

It does much more than just blind him. With a little effort, the pirate forces his sword inch by inch further into the soldier's skull. All the while, the man screams. Until he doesn't. It cuts out suddenly, silenced by his inevitable death. The other soldier looks up in fear from his place on the deck, scrambles to his feet, and makes a run for it. They subconsciously agree to let him go. 

 

Li Hua huffs angrily. 

 

“Thanks, but I didn't need your help.” He grumbles, so quiet that Felix can hardly hear him over the ringing and echo of gunfire in his ears. 

 

He frowns, eyebrows furrowing, and shrugs his shoulders. Saving someone's life doesn't automatically make them like you, he guesses. That's okay. 

 

“I'm going.” The pirate says dismissively. “Don't die. Changbin will have my head.” 

 

Felix decides not to read into that one too much, and focuses on the scene around him. Jisung and Minho are back to back, fending off any soldiers that come at them, protecting each other. 

 

Felix feels warmth fill his body, though not the same as before. A deafening scream fills the air and the feeling is gone as soon as it came. He turns frantically, seeking out the source of the noise, and feels himself panic when he realizes it's coming from the gangplank. He looks, he searches, he sees- 

 

He sees Hyunjin, kneeling on the ground, sword displaced on the deck beside him, hands clutching at his right eye. Blood seeps through his fingers, staining them deep red and splashing onto the wood beneath him. He screams again. 

 

“Hyunjin!” Felix hears Changbin yell, the pirate's voice breaking under the strain it takes to keep fighting and speak at the same time. He sees the quartermaster break away and block a hit from a sword that would have come down on Hyunjin's head. 

 

Felix is running. He's running towards the gangplank and Changbin is outnumbered and he's running but not getting anywhere- 

 

He's stopped by a large hand clamping down on his shoulder, spinning him around and gripping him by his shirt. He struggles, hair falling into his eyes under his mask, unable to see. The hand moves up towards his throat and Felix's heart stops. He sinks into the familiar feeling, his whole body going limp. 

 

“I wondered if I would ever see you again.” 

 

He knows that voice. His mind is telling him to struggle, to fight, he hates this, he needs to help Hyunjin- 

 

The hand tightens around his throat and he gasps desperately for air. 

 

“I never thought it would be here.” The words are more of a snarl than anything, and Felix would flinch but he can't move, he can't- 

 

The mask is ripped off of his face and thrown to the wooden deck. He's raised into the air, bit by bit, windpipe closing up, breath coming out shallower and shallower. He opens his eyes, not sure when he closed them. He looks into those of Admiral Lee Hajoon. 

 

Felix looks into the eyes of his father, and he sees death looking right back. 

 

“Felix.” The admiral's voice croons as his hand tightens, crushing Felix's windpipe all the more. And still, he can't bring himself to move. “Did you really think you could run from me?” 

 

Felix won't answer, even though he knows he couldn't even if he tried. He knows better. He knows this. He knows that if he stays still it'll be over sooner. He thinks maybe if he's submissive enough, relaxed enough, maybe his father will think that he's dead. 

 

“You've surrounded yourself with people you think care for you.” He can't bring himself to look away. “Spoiler alert, son, they don't.” 

 

Felix wants to shake his head, wants to refuse. They care about him, they do. They gave him a home when he had no other, they saved him time and time again. But he can't do anything. He can only lay limp and wish for it to be over. He feels tears well up in his eyes. 

 

“After that stunt you pulled earlier,” His father whispers theatrically, and Felix's mind rushes through all the possibilities, everything the admiral could have seen. “You'd be crazy to think that anyone could really love you. Though you'd make a fortune back home, with your little tricks.” 

 

A sudden dread fills him as he realizes exactly what his father is speaking of. As if the light that filled him was never there in the first place, he feels empty. He feels dark. There's no one here to save him. He's going to die, or worse, he's going to be taken back home. He'll do anything to not go back home. 

 

“Would you like that?” Hajoon chuckles. “Would you like to go back home? We could be rich, richer than before, far so. We could outrank anyone and everyone, even the emperor.” 

 

Felix can only stare in horror as he gives into his fate, black spots dotting his vision as he tries and fails to breathe. 

 

“Imagine that. Emperor Lee Hajoon.” His father laughs maniacally, eyes wide and bloodshot. “Everyone would know us. Everyone would know me.” 

 

There's the sound of a gun firing, and a shout, of pain or anger, Felix doesn't know. The hand around his throat relaxes and he falls to the floor. His head slams against the wood and he feels everything tilt, his insides lurching at the sheer force of the impact. 

 

Felix lies there, and he doesn't move. He hears shouting and screaming and watches boot-clad feet retreat in the direction of the gangplank, sees the familiar pair just feet away from his face, but he can't move. He can't look up. Even if it was physically possible, he can't bear to look up at Changbin's face. 

 

At some point, he feels wetness against his cheek. They're his own tears, he knows, because although it's silent, no one has touched him. His fingers twitch in Changbin's direction, but the boots back up, Changbin backs up, away from him, away from his touch. 

 

Felix closes his eyes. He sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW   
> THAT WAS,,, A LOT????   
> i hope y'all enjoyed and please if u have any questions or u just want to spam me my curious cat is here: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=1553749290  
> my twitter is @zinniachild   
> my tumblr is gay-but-woah   
> please dont murder me for this okay i need to live to be able to update


	7. Stray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix is reminded of the stray cat he met when he was only a child. It was small and dark and fragile, and it scratched him when he tried to give it food. But Felix knew it wasn't anger, wasn't malice, but fear. He'd smuggled it into his room and hidden it there for days before his father found it. Felix remembers the crack of bone that sounded when it was thrown against the wall. Turns out a stray bites less when it's dead.

He's awakened by the sound of screaming. It's loud, heart wrenching, and he jolts awake, hands flying to his neck, gasping for air. His head is spinning and he feels sick and there's screaming-

 

His first thought is about Changbin, where is Changbin? He can't remember anything but choking, his father, Changbin's boots, _he's family,_ Hyunjin.

 

Hyunjin. Suddenly the screaming sounds familiar, and Felix turns onto his side, rapidly, causing his stomach to lurch.

 

“Hyuhjih…” He tries, but his tongue feels too large in his mouth, blocking any attempts to speak properly. There's more screaming and a choked off wail.

 

“I know it hurts, Jinnie, but we have to cauterize the wound.” Felix can't recognize the voice, but it's calm, it's safe. It's not the one he wants to hear.

 

“Changbin,” His words are clearer this time, but his voice is a near rasp and he ends up coughing more than anything else. His vision is blurry and the purple of Hyunjin's shirt is stained dark where it shouldn't be.

 

Hands reach to hold his shoulders and he flinches harshly, vision spinning as he's turned onto his back. He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and jerks again, weakly struggling in someone's hold. There's a sizzling noise of something hot, and then another broken wail.

 

“Don't-” Felix tries, slurs around his words. “Hurt me, don't hurt me- Changbin.”

 

The hands stroke through his sweaty hair, but they don't feel right, too soft. Something cold and wet presses against his forehead. There's a pause before a response.

 

“Changbin isn't here right now.” The voice is soft, caring, but hesitant. Felix feels panic rise up in his throat, clench around his heart.

 

“No,” He mumbles frantically, tries to sit up, but the hands hold him down. “No, no, Changbin.”

 

“Stop.” There it is. That familiar rasp, that low voice, Felix craves it. He lets out a pained whimper. “Don't call for me.”

 

Felix lies there, confused, empty, hurting.

 

_Changbin backs up, away from him, away from his touch._

 

“Don't-” The voice he knows belongs to the quartermaster cracks around the word. “Don't ever call for me again.”

 

But the lights, the lanterns, and he glowed, he glowed for Changbin, still does, even now, in his heart.

 

“Chang-”

 

“Don't.” It's a growl, now.

 

Felix is reminded of the stray cat he met when he was only a child. It was small and dark and fragile, and it scratched him when he tried to give it food. But Felix knew it wasn't anger, wasn't malice, but fear. He'd smuggled it into his room and hidden it there for days before his father found it. Felix remembers the crack of bone that sounded when it was thrown against the wall. Turns out a stray bites less when it's dead.

 

He lies there on something soft and feels wetness on his cheeks. He doesn't know why he's crying, doesn't know why he's hurting, but he is.

 

“‘Re you okay?” He slurs desperately. He needs to know, needs to find out, needs-

 

“What's it to you?” Felix shudders at the intensity of the voice. He doesn't like it, it's not supposed to be there, the lanterns took it away, his glow took it away. Maybe if he glows again the softness will come back, the softness he saw in Changbin's eyes.

 

He tries to glow, but he feels empty. The warmth doesn't come, the light doesn't come. Felix makes another strangled sound that should be words. The wetness is the only thing that stays.

 

“Changbin, why are you still here?” It's the soft voice, the one that soothed him, and it wafts over Hyunjin's whimpers and muffled wails. “Why are you still here, if not for him?”

 

There's a pause in the conversation and the sizzling noise starts again. A cracked scream fills the air.

 

“That's why.” But he doesn't sound so sure. He sounds like he's swallowing around tears. “Hyunjin is why.”

 

Felix uses his arm as a brace and forces himself to sit up despite the throbbing pain in his head. His eyes are searching, but everything hurts, it's too much and too bright. Even so, he still finds them. Those dark eyes, and they're staring straight back at him.

 

“Don't look at me like that.” The quartermaster says, and his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows heavily. “You have no right to look at me like that.” But he himself doesn't look away.

 

Felix has to look away first. His thoughts are all Changbin, Changbin, and he doesn't notice when his eyes close. He feels the soft hands cradling his head and laying him back down, and he feels sadness wash over him.

 

_If I still glowed, would you look at me the way you did then? The way you did before?_

 

He doesn't expect an answer, though he hopes for one. He doesn't expect one, because he's sure he hasn't said it out loud. The thought stays in his head, until it doesn't.

 

“No.” He hears, and his heart breaks. “No. Nothing can reverse this. Don't ever look at me, don't ever call for me. Never again.” Changbin's voice is wet. Felix's eyes are, too, behind his closed lids. He feels the tears catch in his eyelashes.

 

“I'm sorry.” He whispers, voice cracking. Though he doesn't know what for, he knows he should be. “I'm sorry.” Felix is always sorry.

 

The world tilts before he wants it to, and again, he falls asleep.

 

***

 

Felix dreams of home. He dreams of the beaches and the woods and the stalls along the cobblestone streets. He dreams of the old woman who gave him free tteokbokki when he was looking a little too skinny to be normal, the vendor at the end of the street who invited him in to help make rice cakes. He dreams of the sun and the sand and the sea. He dreams of the birds in the woods that he would sit with when he couldn't go home, of the times he got sick from eating things he wasn't supposed to because he was just so hungry.

 

He dreams of the times he did go home, of the punches thrown and the familiar hold around his neck, fingers gripping, body relaxing. Of a raspy voice and the rocking of waves and the view of the sea from a crow's nest.

 

He dreams of the hallucinations he'd had when he'd eaten a bad mushroom, of a bird with wings of fire, of an elderly woman with white hair. Of a kitten being thrown against a pristine white wall. Over and over, it's thrown, and over and over, it thuds and cracks against painted wood. A stray bites less when it's dead. A stray bites less when it's dead. Everything on fire. You'll bite less when you're dead.

 

***

 

He jolts awake with a gasp, calling out for something not there, head spinning. Someone is by his side in an instant, cradling the back of his head and giving him a canteen of water to drink from. He drinks too fast, feels sick afterwards. He remembers the times he'd passed out from dehydration, gotten sick from trying to drink the sea.

 

 _“The ocean is your enemy, boy.”_ The halmeoni who lived on the corner had told him. _“Never trust it. Water and fire make stone, and stone is what you'll lie under when you're dead.”_ He'd never listened. How could something so beautiful be his enemy? He always ended back up at the sea.

 

“Careful.” It's Minho. Feeling relieved that he can put names to voices now, Felix sighs. The boat rocks softly on the waves beneath them. Felix turns his head, and his eyes land on Hyunjin.

 

The boy is laying there, bandages wrapped around his head, body relaxed. He looks peaceful, if not near dead, compared to his screams of pain before. However long ago that was.

 

“Is he dead?” Felix whispers, stricken by a sudden thought.

 

“Hyunjin?” Minho asks. “No. Near close, though.”

 

Felix shakes his head.

 

“My father.” He says softly, not looking away from Hyunjin's limp form. “Is he dead?”

 

There's a pregnant pause. Felix assumes everyone aboard the ship has been informed. That it's his fault, he's bad luck, he brought this upon them.

 

“No.” Minho murmurs. “No, he isn't.”

 

Felix slumps in resignation. It never would have been that easy.

 

“Changbin got in a good shot, though, before he got away.” The doctor hums. Felix stiffens at the mention of the quartermaster.

 

_Don't call for me._

 

He makes a decision.

 

“Where's Chan?” He asks, in a sharp whisper. He doesn't want to disturb Hyunjin. Minho looks at him, confused.

 

“In his cabin, why?” Realization dawns on the doctor's face as Felix pushes himself up and swings his legs over the makeshift cot the crew must have put together for him last minute. “Felix, no.”

 

Felix is already staggering to his feet, determination set on his face, in his heart. Minho runs around the side of the cot, trying to stop him, but he doesn't get very far. Felix is out the door in a mere second, his head spinning, almost as if having taken flight.

 

He walks across the deck, barefoot, wobbling, hands outstretched in front of him to catch himself if he falls. One step in front of the other. That's it. He pretends he can't see the black spots crowding the edges of his vision.

 

“Felix!” Minho's desperate cry calls attention to the not stumbling across the deck. He falls to his knees.

 

He can feel everyone's eyes on him. The crew, all of them, he can feel their anger, their hatred. He looks up at the sky, at the clear stretch of blue, not a cloud in sight. The sun doesn't know when not to shine. This is a day for rain.

 

“Felix, get back inside!” It's a whisper now, sharp, a tugging on his shirt and on his heartstrings at the same time.

 

He doesn't budge.

 

“No.” Someone from the crew says, and Felix knows it's Li Hua. “No, let him face our judgement.”

 

The other pirates all roar in agreement, and Felix looks down only to see Jeongin among them, staying silent, but not protesting. His heart breaks a little more, but he knows they're justified.

 

The door to the captain's cabin swings open. Chan steps out, looking tired and confused, his signature red and gold coat missing. Felix's eyes flit up to his face.

 

“What's going on?” The captain asks, voice seemingly wrecked, but still loud enough to carry over the water. There's a stretch of silence. No one has the courage to speak up. So Felix finds it for them.

 

“Chan.” His voice cracks miserably as he speaks. “I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you and your crew. If you had just gotten rid of me to begin with, we never would have ended up in Taiwan. Hyunjin never would have gotten hurt. I'm sorry.”

 

His eyes harden as the determination inside him grows stronger.

 

“But I can be of use to you now.” He looks around at the crew, searching for familiar eyes and high cheekbones, finding them. “Use me. Use me as bait to draw the navy in.”

 

The captain remains silent.

 

“He'll never stop searching for me.” Felix adds, his voice hoarse, but clear enough to be understood. “I'll only bring bad luck wherever you go. But if you trick him, if you use me as leeway, there's a chance that you can kill him.”

 

His eyes don't leave Changbin. The quartermaster stares at him, gaze so fierce that Felix finally looks away.

 

 _Stop me._ Felix wants to say. _Stop me. Say I'm family again. Please._

 

“He's greedy.” Felix's voice breaks for the nth time that day. “He's blinded by his love for gold and fame, and he'll do anything to get it.”

 

Something seems to click for Chan. The captain finally opens his mouth to speak.

 

“He'll even use his own son.”

 

Felix's head drops, shoulders slumping. He knows it's the truth. He could never wish for anything more, he's not allowed. It's what he deserves. Even if the thought of going home, back to that house, back to that suffering.

 

“He's right.” Just like that, Felix's head snaps back up. He searches the crowd for the source of that voice, though he knows in his heart who it belongs to. His eyes land where he wishes they wouldn't.

 

The quartermaster of the Broken Compass steps forward. He locks eyes with Felix and seemingly makes his decision.

 

“We should use him as bait.” The fracture in Felix's heart grows bigger and more jagged, and he doesn't even know why.

 

_The sea is your enemy._

 

How he ever thought otherwise, he doesn't know. The sea has only ever brought Lee Felix pain.

 

“No.” Chan sounds so sure of himself that even Felix is surprised, though for multiple reasons.

 

“He lied to us.” Changbin's voice is nothing more than a growl, and it sounds anguished. “He put us all in danger. I was right not to have trusted him, and I was right to suggest we get rid of him.”

 

Every word stabs through Felix like an arrow in his back. He feels tears well up in his eyes, but he won't let them fall. He made a promise to never let Changbin see him cry. He's broken it before, far too many times, but he won't break it this time. Not again.

 

“Changbin, no.” Chan's voice is scarily calm. Felix doesn't know what to think, when he'll snap, how far he'll go before he breaks like the others. His eyes don't leave Changbin.

 

“He'll cause us nothing but pain.” The quartermaster grinds his teeth together. “He's done it before, and he'll do it again.”

 

“Changbin, _no._ That's an order from your _captain.”_  Chan clenches his fists at his sides, and Felix notices that the left is wrapped in bandages.

 

He closes his eyes and grits his teeth. Just how many people had he hurt, just by his birthright?

 

“We could have lost Hyunjin!” The crew watches the argument in terse silence. “I don't know about you, but I value a member of our crew far more than a _traitor.”_

 

Felix grips at the wooden boards of the deck beneath him, uncaring of the splinters digging into his palms. He's been through far much more pain.

 

“Listen to him.” He croaks, but somehow it seems louder than all the words exchanged between the two pirates. “Listen to Chang- to the quartermaster.”

 

_Don't ever call for me again._

 

He doesn't see Changbin flinch.

 

“It's for the best.”

 

There's silence again, a period of waiting. The air is static with tension, invisible electricity charging through the subtle breeze. Then the time comes that Felix had been waiting for.

 

“Have you all forgotten that I'm the captain of this ship?” Chan's voice booms across the deck and the empty sea around them. “ _I_ make the decisions, _I_ give out the orders, and _you_ take them! Is that understood?”

 

Changbin stands firm.

 

“I'm calling for a vote.” He says, and.something in the air shifts, and settles.

 

“Seo Changbin,” Chan seethes, and he seems deathly calm compared to just moments ago, to the fire still burning in his eyes. “You are one step shy of _mutiny._ Step down, _now.”_

 

Changbin's hands clench into fists, and he holds Chan's gaze for a moment longer before looking down. His shoulders slump and a defeated look crosses his face.

 

“We'll take a vote.” Chan says clearly. “But understand that this changes everything. Your choice will alter every decision made from here on out. And I'll be damned before I let any of you sacrifice an innocent soul to a monster like Admiral Lee Hajoon.”

 

Felix breaks his promise, this time. He'll never stop, it seems. Tears fall, unbidden, onto the deck below him, and he lets out a soul wrenching sob. There are footsteps descending from above, then a thump as Chan jumps down from the helm. He places a hand on Felix's shoulder, and squeezes.

 

“All those for using this member of our crew, say aye.”

 

There's an unbearable silence, broken only by Felix's weak cries and sniffles. Then there are more footsteps, and someone wraps themself around him, resting their face in his hair. He doesn't stop crying.

 

“I'd never let you go that easy, little one.” The voice is low, with an accent Felix would know anywhere. The Rabid Seal, though not so rabid now, holds Felix tight, and he doesn't let go.

 

One by one, more of the crew steps forward and takes their place beside him.

 

“I never thought about it for a second.” Jisung's voice says from above him, and Felix's body shakes with the force of his sobs.

 

“You're one of us, Felix.” Seungmin is there, too. His voice is soft and his intentions kind. They'd never been anything else. Woojin joins them, Minho following shortly after.

 

“Felix,” The doctor murmurs in his ear. “Let's get you back to bed.” Felix doesn't think he can move. Instead, he just kneels and cries.

 

He doesn't have to do much else. Ronan scoops him up in his arms, cradling him like a mother would her baby, and carries him back to his cot. Felix cries and shakes the whole time, on the verge of passing out, his head pounding.

 

As he's laid down, gently, and covered with a familiar knit blanket, he hears a muffled whimpering from a few feet away from him.

 

“‘Lix?” A hoarse, hesitant voice asks, and Felix sobs, then, louder than before. “Felix? Is that you?”

 

Hyunjin has a heart full of love, even for him, even now. That boy is made of pure gold.

 

“Why are you crying?” The boy asks, and something soft touches Felix's face. It's a hand, Hyunjin's hand, clumsy but gentle all the same. It feels along his cheeks where tears have fallen and stained them red. “When I can see you again, you better be smiling, you hear me?”

 

There's a pained chuckle and the fingers run along the edges of his cheekbones.

 

“I'll make you smile again.” Hyunjin's voice cracks from the strain it takes to use it. “That's a promise.”

 

Felix can only hope that Hyunjin keeps a promise better than he does. The hand falls from his face into one of his own and he squeezes it gently.

 

This time when sleep takes him under, it's with open arms, and a voice full of sunshine, and a promise. A promise of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY LAST UPDAYE THIS WEEK I PROMISE  
> i hope its okay if i take a break for a lil bit lol there might not be an update next week  
> i know its emo okay its what i do best  
> me while wrecking all hopes for changlix: i had to do it to 'em  
> I hope this answers some questions but honestly it probably just fuels more lol  
> anyway i feel sick and my head is pounding but here's my social media n stuff  
> twt: @zinniachild  
> tumblr: gay-but-woah  
> cc: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=1553749290


	8. Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry.” Felix says, equally as broken. He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. For touching Changbin, for being Hajoon’s son, for existing- "I'm sorry."'
> 
>  
> 
> “Don’t apologize if you don’t know what it’s for.” Changbin mumbles under his breath, and before Felix can ask what he means, the quartermaster is walking away.

Felix doesn't want to move. His head is pounding and he feels incredibly nauseous, the subtle rocking of the ship beneath him. His fingers grip at the knit blanket on top of him, and he stays otherwise unmoving. He can hear someone, someones, talking beside him, but he doesn't open his eyes. It's not who he wants to hear. 

 

_ He's not coming.  _

 

As much as it pains Felix to admit it, he knows it's the truth. He doesn't even know why he wants Changbin here. They had never quite gotten along, they certainly weren't enough to be called friends. So why does Felix's heart hurt? 

 

His hands do move, then, to rest around his throat. He can still feel a phantom tingling around his neck, the crush of his windpipe, the press of hands against his skin. He thinks of relaxing into the hold and his hands subconsciously tighten. 

 

_ Nothing can reverse this.  _

 

He feels tears well up behind his eyelids and squeezes them shut tighter. His hands squeeze tighter, too. 

 

“Stop fucking choking yourself.” The voice comes low and gravelly and Felix instantly knows who it belongs to. His eyes fly open and a low noise of surprise, maybe relief, sounds from the back of his throat. “It’s not going to get you anywhere if you die now.” 

 

The words might be said with disgust, with anger, but all Felix can feel is the relief that chokes him where his hands have stopped. He looks Seo Changbin in the eyes. Their gazes only hold for a moment before the quartermaster looks away. 

 

“I told you not to look at me.” He says sharply, but there’s something wobbly there, in his voice, something unsure. As badly as Felix wants to continue to look upon him, he forces his eyes to move away. They land on Hyunjin’s sleeping form beside him, instead. His face is swathed with bandages, face twisted into a grimace. Felix is reminded of the pained noises that leave him occasionally and he flinches. 

 

_ It’s his fault. _

 

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” His voice is hoarse, and there’s a promise of unbidden tears in its depth. 

 

Changbin stays silent. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the pirate’s jaw clench. 

 

“Whatever you think.” He says eventually, a bit of a growl at the end of the words. Then he turns on his heel, and walks briskly out the door. The thud of his boots on the wooden deck of the boat resonate in Felix’s ears. 

 

Felix’s hands clench in the blanket once more. Even if the pirate hates him, he realizes, he still won’t take from Felix his own blanket. 

 

_ Maybe he just doesn’t want to touch me. _

 

His heart aches where it’s hidden in his chest.

 

***

 

If Changbin ever comes back, he does it when Felix is sleeping. Felix knows this, because a few days have passed, and the boy hasn’t seen any sign of him. The thought of the quartermaster avoiding him only serves to make him more miserable. 

 

Minho helps him to walk soon after. Felix’s senses are clouded, his brain still fuzzy at the corners from his head hitting the ground. He stumbles, a little bit, but manages to stay mostly upright. Hyunjin, when he wakes, although it’s rare, gives him quiet encouragement, a pained smile on his face. Felix is eternally thankful. 

 

Another day passes, and he takes his first steps onto the main deck since that day, the day when he offered himself as bait. He’s barefoot, because the feeling of something covering his feet while he walks is far too confusing for him to walk straight. He’s also hesitant, maybe because of those who hadn’t stated their support, maybe because he’s not ready to see them. 

 

Jeongin hasn’t spoken to him. 

 

_ It’s my fault. It’s my fault Hyunjin is hurt.  _

 

He’s deep in thought, so he isn’t quite looking where he’s going. He hits something solid and flinches backward, eyes snapping up to look at the offending object. It’s Li Hua. The man’s lip curls in a snarl, and Felix feels rough hands grip him by the shoulders and shove him backwards. 

 

“Traitor.” He growls, and practically stomps away. Felix sits, propped up on his hands on the floor. He feels blank, eyes staring at the wood of the deck. He doesn’t know how long he sits there.

 

Suddenly, there are arms locking around his waist and he lets out a stuttered squeak as he’s lifted into the air. His feet settle on the deck and he spins around too fast, his head spinning, leaving him dizzy. He presses his head down into something hard until his vision stabilizes. Then he looks up. 

 

The amount of shock that pulses through him when he sees Changbin’s face sends him stumbling backwards. He feels large hands close around his arms to keep him from falling down again. For the split second that their eyes meet, Felix notices something conflicted in Changbin’s. Then the quartermaster looks away, and Felix does too, and the hands let him go. 

 

“Be careful.” The pirate says gruffly. “You just started walking, don’t make your condition worse. You won’t be of any use if you do.” He adds at the end, and Felix knows it’s supposed to be an insult, but he doesn’t feel insulted at all. 

 

“Thank you.” He replies, softly. Changbin nods stiffly, still not looking at him, then turns away. Felix reaches out to touch his shoulder, says, 

 

“Ch- quartermaster, wait-” The pirate flinches away from his hand, and Felix lets it drop to his side. “I-”

 

“Don’t touch me.” Again, there’s something in his voice that makes Felix feel like something is wrong, something almost… Broken. “Any more than necessary, don’t touch me.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” Felix says, equally as broken. He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. For touching Changbin, for being Hajoon’s son, for existing- "I'm sorry."'

 

“Don’t apologize if you don’t know what it’s for.” Changbin mumbles under his breath, and before Felix can ask what he means, the quartermaster is walking away. 

 

Felix is confused, conflicted, and he doesn’t- he doesn’t know what Changbin wants from him. 

 

He goes to sleep that night feeling more lost than before.

 

***

 

He awakes to the room dimly lit with candles. There’s some murmuring from his left side, and a pained whimper. Hyunjin. Felix slits his eyes closed just a bit, turning subtly onto his side. 

 

“How can you stand to be next to him?” Felix’s heart sinks as he realizes who’s talking. He feels tears build in his eyes.

 

“He’s done nothing wrong.”

 

“He’s the son of Admiral Lee Hajoon!” Jeongin hisses. “It’s his fault that you lost your eye, and you  _ know _ what his father did to Changbin hyung’s family.”

 

_ What? _

 

“What happened to me and Changbin hyung has nothing to do with Felix.” Hyunjin says, calmly. “There’s no way he knew Felix was aboard our ship. I was with him the whole time.”

 

“Until he left you!” Jeongin cries. “He left you alone to fight every soldier in the Korean Navy!”

 

There’s a rustle of fabric shifting. Through the slits in his eyelids, Felix can see Hyunjin sit up. 

 

“I had Changbin hyung. I wasn’t alone. If Felix wasn’t the son of the admiral, would you have blamed hyung?” 

 

Jeongin trembles, and Felix can’t tell if it’s from rage or sorrow. 

 

“Changbin hyung isn’t a traitor.” He says, finally, voice shaky, but venomous.

 

“Neither is Felix.” Then, “You heard what his father did to him, didn’t you? I did.” 

 

Felix flinches. 

 

“He choked him.” Silence. “His own son, he lifted him up off the ground and crushed his windpipe until he was almost dead. And Felix didn’t fight it.” 

 

“Maybe it was just for show,” Jeongin says hesitantly. “We don’t know what really happened.”

 

“It wasn’t a show.” Hyunjin scoffs. “That was the response of someone who has suffered abuse for a long time. Remember when he first came aboard, and he had that black eye? I’m willing to bet I know where that came from.”

 

Felix can feel the tears fall. He never wanted anyone to know. How shameful it would be, if someone found out that his own father couldn’t even love him.

 

_ A stray bites less when it’s dead.  _

 

“I don’t trust him.” Jeongin says, after a pause. “And you shouldn’t, either.”

 

“I do trust him.” Hyunjin crosses his arms and looks away, at Felix, looks him in the eye. Felix squeezes them shut. Maybe if he pretends to be asleep, Hyunjin will leave him alone. “So you can take your distrust somewhere else, away from us.” 

 

Felix will never cease to be surprised by Hyunjin. Even with bandages around his head and a missing eye, he cares for Felix unconditionally. Felix bites his lip. It’s salty from the tears that have gathered there. 

 

“Hyung, you can’t be serious.” 

Silence.

 

“Hyung, I love you, you can’t just-”

 

“Until you accept Felix for who he is, and not his father’s title,” Hyunjin says solemnly. “I don’t want to talk to you.” 

 

Felix feels awful. He feels guilty and sad, and it’s his fault that Hyunjin and Jeongin are fighting. He wasn’t sure what their relationship was before, but he has a good idea of it now, and he just broke them apart in a time where Hyunjin needs love the most. As Jeongin’s footsteps fade out of earshot, Felix feels a hand caressing his brow. 

 

“It’s not your fault.” Hyunjin whispers. “It’s never your fault.” 

 

As the hand pulls away, Felix’s own shoots up to grab it. He pulls it back down and clutches it in his fingers, holding it close to his heart. His eyes open in time to see Hyunjin’s expression change from one of surprise to a soft smile. 

 

“I’m here.” The pirate says quietly. “I’m here.”

 

His humming and the roll of the waves beneath the ship lull Felix back to sleep. 

 

***

 

Hyunjin is on his feet after a few more days. The bandages stay around his head, only taken off to clean the healing wound underneath. The first thing he does is shake Felix awake and hand him the rapier. 

 

Felix stares at it, shaking in his hands, and bit his lip. Tears form in his eyes, a building pressure against them as he looks up at Hyunjin and shakes his head. 

 

“I can't.” He whispers. “I can't, I don't want to hurt you.” 

 

Hyunjin gives him a lopsided smile, the one eye that shows scrunching up. 

 

“I'm not porcelain, Felix, I won't break.” He teases. “Will you?” 

 

Felix doesn't say it, but he thinks he's already very broken. He stares at Hyunjin some more. 

 

“Come on.” The pirate says, grinning. “The sword waits for nobody.” 

 

Felix wishes the sword would wait for him. 

 

They start from the basics, again, so Hyunjin can get used to it while only seeing out of one eye. 

 

“Parry!” The pirate calls, sweat beading on his brow as Felix follows his order, their swords clashing together with a harmonious metallic sound. 

 

“Your sword,” Hyunjin says, grinning. “She sings for you.” 

 

Felix thinks that he doesn't deserve to be sung to. He steps back and gets into position as he waits for Hyunjin to attack. 

 

The pirate is sweating, far more than usual, he notices. His cheeks are rosy, and his tanned skin glistening in the sun. He wipes at his face with the back of his free hand before following Felix's lead. Then, he charges. 

 

His sword is off to his left side, and Hyunjin blanches in surprise when he realizes that Felix is heading right for it. Felix uses this to his advantage and ducks under it as Hyunjin falters, spinning around and tapping the pirate's shoulder with his blade. 

 

“Dead,” he pants, feeling his lips curl up into a smile. It feels good, like he hasn't let himself smile in a long time, and maybe he hasn't. 

 

Hyunjin hunches in on himself, and Felix immediately drops his sword, running to his side. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asks hurriedly, “Did I hurt you?” Deep down he knows there's no possible way that had happened. His rapier had only touched Hyunjin for that split second that he let it. 

 

Hyunjin hunches further, and a small sound escapes his lips. A… laugh? It is, it's the tinkling sound Felix had come to know so well, and then it turns louder, Hyunjin clutching at his own stomach. He turns his face to look up at Felix, and laughs even louder. 

 

“To think-” he says, gasping for air. “That hyung thought you could never be a pirate.” 

 

Felix is very confused. He's sure Hyunjin is speaking of the quartermaster, but- 

 

“But I can't.” He mumbles. Hyunjin stops laughing. 

 

“I'm afraid.” Felix admits. “And pirates aren't afraid.” 

 

Hyunjin sits back on the deck, crossing his legs and peering up at Felix from under his bandages. 

 

“No offense, Felix,” He says. “But that is complete and utter bullshit.” 

 

Felix blinks. 

 

“A pirate is always afraid, because being afraid keeps you  _ safe.  _ It keeps your  _ crew _ safe.” A pause. “Fear isn't your enemy. It's an instinct. Hone that instinct, and it'll make you braver than anyone else on the seas.” 

 

“How can I be brave when I'm afraid?” Felix asks, chewing at his lip. Hyunjin smiles up at him. 

 

“Bravery isn't fearlessness.” He says softly. “Bravery is fighting through that fear, using it to make you stronger. If you're afraid, that's okay. Just don't give up because of it.” 

 

As Felix blinks the tears out of his eyes, Hyunjin flops back on the deck, limbs sprawling all over the place. He blinks his eye open, looking Felix's way. 

 

“Come here,” he says, and so Felix walks towards him. As he leans over, the pirate grabs his hand and yanks him down so that Felix is sprawled on top of him. 

 

The boy lets out a rather undignified squeak as he falls, his head cushioned by Hyunjin's sturdy chest. 

 

“I don't blame you.” The pirate breathes into his hair. “I don't blame you for what happened. I don't blame you for being afraid.” 

 

Felix bites at his lip and fists his hands into Hyunjin's new shirt, billowy like the last, but this one a pale cream. The fabric is soft against his fingers as they clench around it. 

 

“The quartermaster blames me.” He says, and he doesn't mean for Hyunjin to hear it, not really. The pirate stiffens beneath him before his hands come up to comb through Felix's hair.

 

“Changbin hyung…” He starts, softly. “He's been through a lot.” 

 

_ You know what his father did to Changbin hyung's family. _

 

“It's not my place to say what, but please, Felix, please give him a chance.” 

 

Felix thinks that it would be impossible not to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a quick one yall cause im rlly tired from gardening rn and accidentally slept during school instead of writing,,,, oops
> 
> but i did promise to update today, so here i am uwu 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed this chapter and hopefully there will be another up by next thursday as well :) 
> 
> if u have any questions, my twitter is @zinniachild, my tumblr is gay-but-woah, and my curious cat is here: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=1553749290


	9. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just call me by my name.”

Here's the thing. It's been ingrained into Changbin's head that the only thing a pirate cannot feel is fear. And so now, when faced with something so haunting, a ghost of his past, the days when he wasn't what he is today, when he was afraid- 

 

He is again. 

 

Avoidance has always been his closest friend. But alone, in the quiet of the night, and faced only with the sea and his own miniscule fears- no matter how many times he tries to convince himself that he's not, he's not afraid- he can't avoid it anymore. 

 

And perhaps, in what seems to be his darkest hour, or the darkest in a long time, he wishes he had someone, someone to talk to. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. But he is. There's no one there but the sea, and the sea understands nothing but its own language, its own rage, quelled by nothing, destructive. Changbin thinks about himself, and his tendencies, thinks he might be like the sea, and he hates himself for it. 

 

The sea, which took everything from him, in its own twisted way, in the form of a person, the person he hates most. His fingers grip the wood of the guard rail and intensely, he hates. And the sea, the sea hates back. 

 

Waves push and pull like fingers wrapped around the hull of the ship, they guide, and they forge a way in a path of raging waters. Changbin lifts a hand, then the other, watches them shake, and he tries, he tries to convince himself that it's just the cold, just the spray of salt against his skin. Deep inside, he knows it's not. 

 

Gritting his teeth, he grinds his palms into the wood again, uncaring of splinters that dig into his flesh, because after years of hard work on the ship, years of sword fighting and wounds and danger- a little pain has never hurt anybody. 

 

(It has.) 

 

A little pain is something bearable as long as it's pushed down, because Changbin knows it won't come back up, why would it? It's never happened before. But now, with his hands trembling and his mind racing and the void in his chest growing bigger and bigger by the second- 

 

Changbin thinks that maybe, just maybe, it's possible that a little pain can hurt. 

 

He hunches in on himself, because it does, it does hurt, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He doesn't know anything. Changbin hates not knowing. Changbin hates a lot of things. 

 

As much as he tries, there's one thing he'll never be able to hate, truly, and he knows that. And he hates it. 

 

He feels eyes on the back of his head and he stiffens, fingernails digging into wood, and he tries to seem normal, and he fails. Nothing about this is normal. 

 

“What do you want.” He grits out, and it's not a question. He wants this to be over- 

 

“Changbin.” The quartermaster stiffens even more, if that's even possible, because out of everyone, his captain is the last person he wants to face right now. 

 

He's not weak. He's not weak, and he's not afraid, and that makes him- 

 

“Changbin,” The voice comes again, softer, and it takes a bit for the pirate to realize that he's shaking, and he's shaking hard. “Changbin, talk to me.” 

 

He won't. He won't talk, and yet his mouth is opening. Nothing comes out. Or maybe it does, but it's too soft and it's too strangled to have a meaning of any kind. The splinters dig into his palms some more. 

 

Hands settle on his shoulders and he flinches and he's not afraid, he's not afraid. His mouth opens again, closes, repeats, like a fish underwater, but he'll never be able to truly breathe. 

 

“Breathe.” He can't- “Breathe.” 

 

The waves contract and release beneath the moon and his chest does, too, and Changbin will never be able to see himself as anything other than the sea- the sea that he hates, and still sails upon. 

 

“Can you talk?” Chan is kind and he shouldn't be, because Changbin isn't worthy- 

 

“No.” He grinds out, and it's supposed to be strong but it's not, it's weak, Changbin is- 

 

His captain takes his hands, wrecked as they are, he takes them and he holds them, and Changbin squeezes his eyes shut. There are gentle fingers picking out the pieces of wood and it stings, but it keeps him grounded, in a way. 

 

“Then I'll talk. Is that okay?” 

 

Changbin thinks a lot of things would be okay if he wasn't thinking these thoughts. He doesn't answer, doesn't want to. 

 

“Okay.” And then Chan begins. 

 

“You're afraid.” He says, and Changbin shakes his head, almost violently so. No, he's not, he's not afraid, he's a pirate, and pirates don't feel fear. “You're afraid, and that's okay.” 

 

Changbin's hands are free of splinters. 

 

“You're afraid and I'm proud of you for it.” 

 

He doesn't want to hear this. He doesn't want anyone's pity. 

 

“I'm proud of you for allowing yourself to feel things. I know it's hard.” Chan rubs circles into Changbin's palms with his thumbs. “I know it's hard, but you're doing it, and I'm proud.” 

 

Changbin wants to say he shouldn't be, because it's an accident, and it's not supposed to happen in the first place. 

 

“Open your eyes.” They stay closed. “For me, Binnie, open your eyes.” 

 

He does, hesitantly so, and immediately, he wants to close them again. Chan gazes at him with something that should be unreasonable, but that he understands far too well in his eyes. 

 

“When we found you, you were hurting.” Old news, really. “You're still hurting now, and that's okay.” 

 

It's not okay. Changbin isn't supposed to feel pain, isn't supposed to feel anything, he's practiced too much for that. 

 

“I can't-” He says, eyes closing again, teeth gritting. “Don't, please, I can't.” 

 

There's too much to remember, so much repressed, and the binds that held them back are snapping one by one. 

 

“Changbin, there was nothing you could have done.” 

 

His hands wrench away, slap over his ears. 

 

“Stop, I can't.” This isn't supposed to happen. Chan carefully takes his hands away. 

 

“What happened to you was traumatizing.” 

 

It's all coming back, it's too much-

 

“I don't want this, I don't-” 

 

“Let go, Changbin. It's okay to remember.” Chan holds his hands, and he says, “Let go.” 

 

Changbin does, and all of it, every wall he's built up, every block he's formed to keep himself safe, it crumbles. 

 

He remembers, and he wishes he doesn't. 

 

“I couldn't save them.” He gasps, fingers tightening around Chan's. “I couldn't, I was too late, if I had just-” 

 

A strangled noise rips out of his throat and he refuses to believe it's a sob. 

 

“If I had just stayed, if I hadn't run off-” 

 

“Changbin.” Chan says, softly. He's always been too soft. “You would be dead. You would be dead if you had stayed.” 

 

Maybe Changbin wishes he was. 

 

“I like to think it was fate that saved you.” Chan thinks out loud. “We never would have met otherwise, and that's something I would never wish to happen.” 

 

The waves push and pull.

 

“He saw me.” Changbin says weakly, eyes opening, eyelashes clumped together with something wet. “He saw me, the admiral, he saw me, and he didn't kill me.” 

 

A choked noise. 

 

“Why didn't he kill me? I wish he had killed me.” Then again, “I wish he had killed me.” 

 

“But he didn't.” Chan murmurs. “He didn't, and you're here, and you're safe. There's no need to be afraid anymore.” 

 

“I'm not. I'm not afraid.” Changbin insists, but he's trembling, and his eyes are wet. Chan just hums. 

 

“You could have hated us.” He says, and Changbin shakes, because it's the truth. “You could have hated us, and you didn't.” 

 

“It wasn't-” Changbin swallows around the words building in his throat. “It wasn't your fault.” 

 

Chan hums again, and presses Changbin's head against his chest. 

 

“It wasn't yours either.” 

 

Changbin wants to fight him on that, wants to argue, but they've done their fair share of that lately and he's tired, he's so tired. 

 

“I don't-” The quartermaster starts, and his voice breaks. “I don't hate him.” 

 

“Who?” Chan asks, though Changbin is sure he already knows. 

 

“I-” Changbin can't bring himself to say. “I-” 

 

There's a creak of wood, and Changbin's head snaps up, eyes searching, finding- 

 

They land on the one person he doesn't want to see, and he feels his face crumple. 

 

For the first time in far too long, Seo Changbin allows himself to cry. 

 

*** 

 

Felix watches as the strongest person he knows breaks. It's gradual, and he knows he shouldn't linger, shouldn't listen, but once he starts, he can't bring himself to leave. The amount of dread that fills him as he listens to the words spoken between the captain and Changbin is overwhelming. 

 

His knees are weak, his hands are trembling, his eyes sting. After all these years, of being alone in fear and hurt and injury, to know that someone else had it so much worse- 

 

He shifts on his feet. He regrets it right away, because the wooden planks beneath him give a quiet creak, though it's loud enough to carry over water. The quartermaster looks at him, eyes filled with such fear- 

 

Felix has never seen anyone so afraid. And then something happens that he never would have expected. 

 

Changbin cries. 

 

It's ugly, it's imperfect. He crumples to the ground and sobs, and Felix watches, and he can't leave. 

 

There are suddenly too many planks between them. He wants to be close, but he knows he's unwelcome, so he stares instead as his cheeks grow wet. Chan stands between them, his eyes heavy on Felix, and he steps back. 

 

“Go to him.” He says, and Felix does. 

 

He walks slowly towards the quartermaster, the steps wobbly, before crouching down in front of him. His hands twitch at his sides, eager to touch, to hold, to comfort. He keeps them at bay. 

 

“I'm sorry.” He whispers, and another wretched sob rips out of Changbin's chest. “I'm sorry, Ch- quartermaster, I'm sorry.” 

 

“Don't.” Changbin says, and shakes his head wildly, hands covering his face. “Don't- don't  _ call _ me that, don't-” 

 

“What should I call you?” Felix asks, voice wet with tears. “I can't call for you.” Changbin's hands find their way down from his face to Felix's shirt, and they fist themselves there, in the fabric. 

 

“Don't- my  _ name,  _ just-” Another sob wracks his body and he refuses to look into Felix's eyes. “Just call me by my name.” 

 

“Changbin,” Felix says, softly, and the pirate lets out a small cry. His fists hit at Felix's chest weakly, trying to push him away. 

 

“Don't look at me.” He cries. “I hate you, don't look at me-” 

 

Felix doesn't look away, can't bring himself to. 

 

“Can I-” He tries, starts again. “Can I touch you, can I hold you?” 

 

Changbin doesn't answer, he just cries. His fingers curl into Felix's shirt again, and he hunches in on himself more. Felix takes it upon himself to answer. 

 

His arms hook under the pirate's own and wrap around his back, pulling him closer. 

 

“I'm sorry.” He whispers again, wetly. “Changbin, I'm sorry.” 

 

“Don't- don't say that,” The quartermaster sniffles, chokes around a sob. “Don't make it harder for me to hate you.”

 

“I didn't know.” Felix says, and his fingers press into the space between Changbin's shoulder blades. “I didn't know, I swear.” 

 

Changbin shakes his head, and his fingers grip hard at the fabric between them. 

 

“I know, just-” Finally, he looks up. Their eyes meet, and Changbin closes his again, brows furrowed, cheeks wet with tears. “Don't, just-” 

 

“Just what?” Felix keeps his voice gentle, but it breaks on the last word. 

 

Changbin lifts his head, opens his eyes, looks at him again. 

 

“Just hold me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update!!   
> so mayhaps this is,, a yikes  
> i hope that this gave a little insight into Changbin's thinking process and why he acts the way he does.   
> i know a lot of people were and are upset with him, and though i didn't go into too much detail here, i hope you can understand why he's so upset.   
> it hurts me to see everybody hating on bean boi :(
> 
> anyway, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> my twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is gay-but-woah 
> 
> you can find my cc and me questions here!   
> https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=


	10. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay,” he whispers, opening his eyes. “Okay, I'm ready.”
> 
>  
> 
> He clears his throat, and paints a picture with the blood of the fallen.

They stay seated on the wood of the deck for a while. At some point, Chan leaves, and Felix doesn't know if he should be relieved or afraid, plunged further into icy depths of unknown. His fingers grow clammy against the leather of Changbin's vest, dig underneath the strap of the belt wrapped over his back and shoulder. He feels the quartermaster's hands tighten in his shirt when he moves too suddenly or pulls away, and his heart aches. 

 

There's a cough, and a sniffle, and Changbin's head presses against his chest. 

 

“Give me a minute.” He says, sounding small, and Felix thinks he would give Changbin all the time in the world, if only he could keep holding him. 

 

He pulls a hand away, and it hovers over the pirate's head for a moment before lightly resting on his hair. Changbin flinches slightly, then relaxes into the touch as Felix runs his fingers through the black strands. 

 

A few more seconds pass, and then Changbin raises his head, releasing Felix's shirt to wipe at his eyes with his hands. 

 

“Okay,” he whispers, opening his eyes. “Okay, I'm ready.” 

 

He clears his throat, and paints a picture with the blood of the fallen. 

 

_ He had been sixteen. It was summer, and it was hot, and tensions were running high. A pirate ship had been sighted off the coast of Busan, and the Korean Navy was on the lookout for any suspicious activity. Changbin was young, and he was reckless, and he was, is, hot tempered. Something was bound to go wrong.  _

 

_ They found the boy at the beginning of July. He was stumbling through an alleyway in the sweltering heat, shirt torn open and blood dripping down his chest from a slash across his collarbone. Really, they had no choice but to take him in. He was no older than fifteen, just a year below Changbin, and they never thought for one moment that he could have been a pirate. They grew close. _

 

_ Changbin had always wanted a younger brother, someone to care for, someone to look after. He found that in Daehyun, the scrawny boy Changbin’s family had taken in. He was small, shorter than Changbin himself, which was unsurprising, as he had not quite gone through his final stages of growth, and had unruly brown curls, chubby cheeks, and the softest chestnut colored eyes. He was a child, and Changbin loved him with all the strength that an older brother could.  _

 

_ Daehyun was strange, in a way, always longing for something, for the sea, but they never found it out of the ordinary. Some days, he would disappear, and Changbin would find him hours later on the white stretch of sand of the beach, water lapping at his bare toes. No matter how often he was reassured that Daehyun was staying there with them in their little town, Changbin always worried that one day, he would wake up, and Daehyun would be gone for good. Not all of the town was unsuspicious, however. It was the day they had their first fight, the two boys, and it was also the day they had their last.  _

 

_ Daehyun had wanted to leave.  _

 

_ “Hyung,” He had said. “Hyung, the sea is calling me.”  _

 

_ And Changbin had responded disinterestedly, too caught up in making his clumsy paper kite, one he would never admit was for the younger boy’s upcoming birthday.  _

 

_ “So go down to the water.” He said distractedly, string between his teeth as he wrapped it around the corners of camphor wood. “Hyung will be here when you get back.”  _

 

_ There was a shift of fabric as Daehyun kicked his feet from where he was sitting on Changbin’s bed.  _

 

_ “Hyung, I want to leave.” He murmured, and that got Changbin’s attention. He paused what he was doing, lowering the unfinished kite in his hands. “Hyung, come with me.”  _

 

_ Changbin stared for a moment.  _

 

_ “What do you mean?” He asked lowly, eyes never leaving Daehyun’s face. “You want to leave? What do you mean?”  _

 

_ Daehyun’s eyes were downcast as he chewed at his lip.  _

 

_ “I want to leave.” He said, quietly. “I want to sail again, hyung. Come with me.”  _

 

_ And that, after several weeks of no suspicion, is when it clicked.  _

 

_ “You’re a pirate.” To say Changbin was surprised was an understatement. “You- you’re a pirate, Daehyun, you’re a  _ **_pirate_ ** _.”  _

 

_ The boy just nodded, still worrying his lip between his teeth.  _

 

_ “And you want me to come with you.” Changbin said incredulously, as if trying to make sense of this whole thing. “You’re a pirate, and you want me to come with you.” _

 

_ To do what, exactly? Kill people?  _

 

_ “Hyung, please.” Daehyun said, eyes wide. “Hyung, I just miss the sea, but I would miss you too much if I went alone.”  _

 

_ Changbin stared again. He had been doing a lot of that.  _

 

_ “You want me to be a pirate.” He said, bewildered. “You- Daehyun, this is insane. I can’t do that, I have responsibilities, I have a family.”  _

 

_ The younger boy looked sullen, and when he looked up at Changbin, his eyes were watery. _

 

_ “I thought I was your family, too.”  _

 

_ Changbin blinked rapidly, overwhelmed by this sudden revelation.  _

 

_ “Daehyun,” He said, burying his face in his hands. “Daehyun, Goddamnit, why are you still here?” _

 

_ He lifted his face, eyes flashing.  _

 

_ “You’re endangering yourself, you’re endangering  _ **_me,_ ** _ my family, the navy will-” He cut himself off as his eyes widened. “Daehyun! The navy are everywhere right now, what were you thinking?!”  _

 

_ Daehyun’s lip trembled.  _

 

_ “I had nowhere else to go.” He pleaded. “I thought- I thought you wanted me here, I thought you wanted me to stay.”  _

 

_ Changbin had shaken his head, he’d said, in a moment of panic-  _

 

_ “That was before I knew you were a  _ **_pirate_ ** _!”  _

 

_ His voice had risen, loud, and he stood up abruptly, carding his fingers through his hair.  _

 

_ “I need- I need some time to think.” He said, voice weak. “Just, give me some time to think.” _

 

_ And he had left, unaware of the consequences of his actions.  _

 

_ When he got back, it was to the sound of screams. His eyes widened, he burst through the back door, only to see- _

 

_ It was the navy, they had flooded the house, there was blood, his mother- _

 

_ Changbin’s mother was on the floor, pressed up against the wall, screaming as she was cornered. Daehyun lay unmoving on the ground in front of her, covered in blood, from his face to his neck to his collarbone, where the scar of the first cut had only just formed.  _

 

_ His mother’s screams were soon quieted as a sword slashed across her throat. The light in her eyes that Changbin had loved so dearly all his life, had held it close in his heart, died. And she did with it.  _

 

_ Changbin was frozen, frozen in place as the navy filtered through the front door, chuckling and wiping their bloodied blades on the woollen rug that Changbin’s father had brought home from his time as a merchant, staining it red. They walked away until there was just one left, just one.  _

 

_ The man looked up and caught his eye, and Changbin recognized him immediately.  _

 

_ It was Lee Hajoon, the most infamous admiral of the navy, known only for his ruthlessness both in battle and in the quarters of the bunkers. Everyone knew his name, and now Changbin knew his face. _

 

_ And Hajoon knew his.  _

 

_ A smile stretched across his face as he glanced down at the bodies on the floor, Changbin’s father piled into a far corner of the main room, his mother, Daehyun on the ground in front of her. He smiled wider. He said,  _

 

_ “I’m doing you a favor, boy.” And he walked out the door. _

 

_ Changbin’s life fell apart.  _

 

_ He lost everything that day. He had nothing left. _

 

Changbin’s body shakes as he recounts his tale, the tears having started again not far into it, his hands clutching at Felix’s arms, ugly sobs building in his throat. The orange haired boy watches him, sees him fall apart again and again in the span of only a few minutes. His hands tighten in the creases of Changbin’s leather vest. 

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers tearfully, his knees aching from pressing into the splintered wood of the deck. “Changbin, I’m sorry.”

 

The quartermaster is silent, aside from the sniffles and the choked noises emitting from his throat. Something not quite like words blubbering from his lips. He doesn’t repeat himself, and Felix leaves it. 

 

The moon is low in the sky, a sliver of a crescent left. The water below ripples in fascination, for once, gentle, for once forgiving. Felix rests his cheek on Changbin’s head. The world is still, calm, and Felix finds that the sea reflects nothing but its own desires, untimed, without pattern, and it has chosen this moment to be peaceful. The sky is a dull blue, the sun still unrisen, sunken beneath the black depths of the sea. 

 

“Come,” Felix says, gently. “It’s time to sleep, the sea can wait, the ship will wait for you.” 

 

_ I’ll wait for you.  _ He wants to say, but it stays trapped in his throat like a secret he doesn’t want to keep. 

 

Changbin just stays huddled on the ground, until Felix helps him gently to his feet. As they walk towards the sleeping quarters, the quartermaster is quiet, save for the few sniffles and out of place sobs he tries to quiet, to no avail. 

 

They tiptoe- or at least, Felix does, Changbin is too busy trying to hold himself up on his feet- into the quarters, and Felix knows exactly where Changbin needs to go. He leads the pirate to his own bunk sits him down on it. 

 

Changbin's hands grip at the wooden edge and he doesn't meet Felix's eyes when he says, 

 

“Can you help me take this off?” 

 

He's trembling, hands shaky when they reach up to fumble with the belt that's strapped around his torso. Felix blinks in response before he jerks back into reality, into Changbin staring at him so meekly, looking ashamed that he can't perform the smallest tasks without help. 

 

“Of course.” He murmurs, kneeling down in front of the pirate and putting his hands on the wide belt strap, gripping onto the silver buckle to steady himself, to calm himself down. “Of course.”  

 

He slips the end of the strap under the buckle so he can unhook the prong, and slides the rest of the belt out of it, too. It falls onto the bed beside Changbin and the pirate looks away, still shaking. 

 

“This, too.” He says, voice wobbly, picking at the leather of his vest. 

 

Felix swallows heavily, but complies, leaning closer until his head is a hair's breadth away from the pirate's stomach. His hands peel the leather away from Changbin's body, helping his arms through the holes in the sides. That lays on the bed, too, until Felix has the sense to get to his feet and lift the objects into his hands, hanging them along a rope stretched above the bunk, which Felix has taken to using as a makeshift clothesline. His own cloak hangs there, too. 

 

Changbin sits still on the bed, glancing warily at Felix every now and then, as if the boy is going to hurt him in this vulnerable state that he's in. Felix's chest aches a little bit at the thought. Vaguely, as he gathers the knit blanket he's been using so much into his arms, he wonders where it had come from. He helps Changbin to lay down, spreading the blanket over him and stepping back, ready to leave and sleep in the nursing quarters with Hyunjin. What he doesn't expect, is this. 

 

“Wait!” Changbin's arm shoots out and his hand clamps around Felix's wrist. The boy startles and turns around halfway, so that he's somewhat facing the pirate. He's sitting up again, looking at Felix with wide eyes, and he swallows heavily, his Adam's apple bobbing with the movement. “Stay?” 

 

_ Stay?  _

 

Felix looks at him imploringly, waiting for an answer that he doesn't expect to come. He's pleasantly surprised when he gets one. 

 

“Stay,” Changbin starts, swallows again. “Stay with me. Please?” 

 

Felix, if hesitant before, caves at the words he's never heard before. He carefully clambers into the bed beside Changbin, and it's a tight squeeze, but it's also cold, so any extra heat is welcome. The quartermaster is stiff beside him, so Felix turns over to face him, ready to ask if everything is alright. 

 

His eyes widen at the sight before him at Changbin staring fiercely up at the ceiling, lines of tears running down his temples. Felix rises up and puts all his weight on his left elbow as he stares. 

 

“Changbin,” He asks. “Changbin, are you okay?” 

 

The pirate turns so that he's facing Felix more, and he scrunches his eyes closed. 

 

“I don't think I've been okay,” He whispers. “For a very long time.” 

 

Felix lays back down, and they lock eyes. This time, it's not a contest, it's not about winning. It's silent, and he watches as Changbin's eyelids slowly close, as his breathing becomes slower and his hands move to lightly grip onto Felix's arms. 

 

His face looks softer in the low light of the lantern swinging above them. The orange glow grows stronger, and Felix comes to realize that it's coming from inside him. Changbin shifts, hands tightening, eyes peeking open for a split second. 

 

“Has the sun come out already?” He asks, and Felix hums in response. “Go to sleep, sun. Dream well.” 

 

This time he does fall asleep, and Felix is close behind.

 

He dreams of light, pulsing orange and yellow, gentle flames of warmth licking at his heart. 

 

When he wakes, he wakes up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo man rip changbin 
> 
> HE'S JUST AN ANGSTY LITTLE BEAN OKAY I LOVE HIM 
> 
> poor boi. 
> 
> let me know what you think!   
> again, my twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is gay-but-woah 
> 
> you can find my cc and ask me questions here: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild


	11. Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix curls the pirate's hands back up and holds the fists loosely in each hand.
> 
> “Care for yourself when I cannot.”

The space where the quartermaster had rested beside him is empty, but not yet cold. His signature belt is gone from the makeshift clothesline, as well as the leather vest. Felix feels a phantom tingle in his fingers where they had rested upon it. He sits up slowly, his eyelashes thick with sleep, and lifts a hand to rub at his eyes, then runs it through his hair. There's a tug in his chest, something missing-

 

His eyes fall once more to the rumpled sheets beside him, to the knit blanket draped across his lap. The something in his chest tightens a bit, and it doesn't release. He swings his feet over the side of the bunk, his feet brushing against the wooden planks below, taking in the subtle shifting of waves underneath that he's grown accustomed to.

 

Something is calling him to the deck, something he can't quite name. A low hum, maybe, but it can't possibly be real. It dips low as he turns away and turns up slightly in pitch as he stumbles sleepily towards it. He rubs at his ears with a hand, and it's gone, as if it were never there. Still, he feels the pull. He reaches the doorway, the worn wood outside, washed pale with years of sun beating down on it. His feet touch that, as well, bare toes curling. He hadn't realized his boots were off.

 

Felix blinks against the sun, allowing his vision to adjust, and he turns his head slightly, sweeping his gaze across the deck. His heart gives a strangled stutter when they land on a familiar figure. The sun's glare is hot against his skin, and must be so even for the quartermaster, as he gazes out at the sea. Felix walks quietly to the pirate's side, gentle, not wanting to startle him like a careless wolf might its prey. The comparison is odd considering the usual roles the two play. Felix thinks this as he braces his forearms against the railing of the ship, and leans forward. Changbin stiffens beside him.

 

They're silent, for a moment. Then Felix speaks.

 

“I woke up alone.” He says, and it's not provocative. Still, the quartermaster seems to tense even more at the spoken words.

 

“I had duties calling me.” Changbin replies, in that same rasp as usual. They don't look at each other. Their eyes are only on the sea. It moves with a mind of its own, pushes and pulls with seemingly no rhythm, but Felix knows better.

 

“Duties?” Felix asks, innocently. He's still not sure as to what that entails. Changbin shifts a bit, his body angled away.

 

“Yes.” It's low, almost a growl, but not angry. Even as Felix's eyes move to rest on Changbin, the quartermaster doesn't budge.

 

Felix lets out a quiet sigh.

 

“Are you very afraid?” He asks, again. He has endless questions for Changbin, but he thinks he'll start here.

 

The pirate's nails dig bluntly into the wood of the rail. His jaw tenses, but no sound escapes his lips. Felix's eyes trace the profile of his face and finds that he can't seem to read Changbin's eyes.

 

“Are you afraid of me?” His fingers tap nervously against wood, at he bites at his lip.

 

“No.” Changbin says, but it's strangled, and Felix can't tell if he means it. “No, never.”

 

His shoulders hunch in on themselves as if to make himself smaller. Felix hums. It's a sound he likens to the feel of honey as it drips down your throat. Changbin relaxes, the slightest bit, and Felix pushes that method to the back of his mind for future use.

 

He pushes himself up, off the rail, and makes to leave, but he's stopped by a conflicted sounding growl. He looks back at Changbin, whose eyes haven't moved from the rolling of the waves below.

 

“Wait,” He says, and hesitates, before clearing his throat. Then he hesitates again. But it's okay, because Felix is willing to wait.

 

“I'm not-” Changbin starts, then grimaces. “Good.”

 

Felix has it in him to disagree, but Changbin's eyes stray to him for a split moment, and he falters under the tense gaze.

 

“I'm sorry,” The quartermaster rasps, and winces. “If- that I hurt you. I'm sorry.”

 

Felix stays silent, only blinking in response. He doesn't know what to say.

 

“You have-” Changbin's voice breaks. “Every right to be angry with me. The way I've treated you since we met has been… harsh, to say the least.”

 

Felix mulls it over in his head, and lifts a hand to place it back on the rail, almost dangerously close to Changbin's own. His pinky finger brushes slightly against it and the quartermaster flinches slightly before relaxing again.

 

“I'm not angry.” Felix says softly. “I was, at first, but you've proven yourself to be a good person. You have,” He adds, as Changbin tenses up again.

 

The pirate lifts his head and looks into Felix's eyes.

 

“I'm not-” He starts, again, but just shakes his head instead of finishing. “If you knew the things I've done-”

 

His voice breaks off near the end. His gaze is searching, as it meets Felix's.

 

“Why are you still here?” Changbin asks brokenly. “I've given you no reason to stay.”

 

Felix shrugs, and gives a half hearted smile.

 

“Anywhere is better than home.” He says, and it's the truth. Even if he hadn't made a home here, even if he was kept prisoner, he still would have preferred it to the house he grew up in.

 

Changbin winces, again. They don't touch on the subject of Felix's father. Felix's pinky stays on the top of the pirate's hand, even as Changbin looks back to the sea.

 

“I'm sorry.” He says again. Then, “I hope you'll stay with m- us, still.”

 

Felix catches the slip, but isn't sure what the pirate meant to say.

 

“I intend to, quartermaster.”

 

Changbins nails curl into the wood again. Felix notices the grimace of pain as splinters dig into his skin.

 

“Would you,” Changbin hesitates, clears his throat. “Would you call me by my name?”

 

Felix takes the pirate's hands into his own and uncurls them, before he begins to pick the wood out of his fingers.

 

“If you want me to,” He murmurs, eyes on Changbin's hands. “Then I will.”

 

There's a beat of silence.

 

“Now?” Changbin asks, voice quiet. When Felix looks up, their eyes meet.

 

“Changbin,” He says, and Changbin shudders.  “You want me to call for you?”

 

The quartermaster's shoulders sag, and he looks smaller than normal.

 

“Please.” It's quiet, nearly broken, and if Felix was reluctant before, which he wasn't, he caves now.

 

“Changbin.” He says again, and the pirate looks away, hands fidgeting, but they remain still enough for Felix to resume his work. “Why do you hurt yourself?”

 

Changbin glances at where his fingers are being held and back away at the sea.

 

“I don't feel it.” He admits. And when Felix looks at him, unamused, “Most of it.”

 

There's an agreeable nod. Felix manages to pick out the last of the splinters. It's not quite an answer, but it'll do.

 

“It grounds me, I suppose.” Changbin says absentmindedly, still watching the waves. “I don't pay much attention to pain.”

 

Felix curls the pirate's hands back up and holds the fists loosely in each hand.

 

“Care for yourself when I cannot.” He murmurs gently, and watches Changbin swallow, his eyes flit back to Felix's face.

 

“I'm not sure I can do that just yet.” The quartermaster says truthfully. His voice is soft, unlike his usual growling undertone.

 

Something in Felix wilts a little, at that.

 

“Until then,” Changbin glances down at where their hands meet. “Until then, will you stay by my side?”

 

“Until then,” Felix repeats. “And after.”

 

For the first time, he thinks he sees the beginnings of a genuine smile on Changbin's face.

 

***

 

The sun sets low over the sea, submerging its golden rays beneath the surface of unusually calm waters. The sky is alight with oranges and pinks that would seem out of place on such a calm evening, but somehow don't. Felix sits on the deck quietly, bare feet bunched in and under his lap, legs crossed, his trousers rolled up to his knees. The air is cooling just so, and a soft breeze tousles his hair, brushing it against his ears softly. He closes his eyes.

 

Only hours earlier, he'd broken through to something, something he's not quite sure of, but would like to see again. Alas, it's since receded, been covered up again by dark walls of water that block out any light. He opens his eyes slowly, and his gaze flits over to where the quartermaster stands stiffly at the helm of the ship. The pirate stares only at his hands, at where mere hours before Felix had tended to. His palms curl into fists, and his jaw clenches, skin awash with the orange light of the sun.

 

The heavy thud of his boots against the wood of the deck sounds, as he makes his way towards the main mast. Felix watches as Changbin rests a hand on the supporting beams, looking up into the sails. He doesn't miss the way the pirate's nails curl into the wood once more, purely out of habit, nor the way they tense, then relax with realization. He doesn't miss the conflicted, lost look on Changbin's face. Felix sighs, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand. Sometimes, he wishes he could tell just what was going through the quartermaster's head, that he could understand-

 

But the truth of the matter is that he can't, and he doesn't. So he watches as Changbin lifts his hand for inspection before roughly yanking out any splinters, teeth gritted in anger or pain, Felix doesn't know which. The pirate brushes his palm swiftly against the fabric of his breeches, and looks up with a quick jerk of his head in Felix's direction. Their eyes meet, lock for a moment, before Changbin flinches slightly and looks away. His hands tighten into fists again and his shoulders tense. He looks distraught, like he doesn't know what to do with himself, and eventually, after running his hands through his hair, not gently, yanking through windborne tangles without care, he spins on his heel and stalks away.

 

There's a wobble there, in his gait, something uncertain, and Felix wishes he knew what it was, wishes he could help. Instead, he clambers to his feet, dusting his hands off on his trousers, and makes his way to the galley, Changbin's apparent destination. He doesn't plan to engage, mostly because he knows that even after their talk in the morning, Changbin isn't ready. He'll just satisfy himself with food for the time being.

 

So he's surprised, pleasantly so, when, after gathering himself a plate and seating himself, the quartermaster stiffly makes his way over to his side. With a quick glance to Seungmin, who had sat beside Felix until just now, Changbin sits down in his place, hunching forwards under the watchful gaze of the crew, stabbing at his meal with a fork. After a few moments of unusual silence, his eyes flit upwards and his lip curls.

 

“What.” He growls, and it's not a question. The crew immediately diverts their attention back to conversation and food, while Felix's stays on Changbin.

 

He watches carefully as the quartermaster pokes at his food silently for a moment, before lifting his fork to his mouth for a few quick bites. But after a few seconds, the act drops. Changbin slumps forward more, into himself, gaze on the table. He lets his fork go gently, and it settles into place beside his plate without much clamor.

 

“Stop trying to read me,” He says softly, and Felix blinks quickly, shocked at being found out so easily, though he supposes he wasn't being very subtle. “There's nothing there that's story worthy.”

 

Felix stays silent for a moment before clearing his throat.

 

“I'm not trying to read you,” he lies. “May I not be intrigued in your daily attire?”

 

He expects a retort of some kind, a scoff, even, but all he gets is Changbin curling into himself more, his jaw clenching as the tips of ears turn red. His gaze slides up until it meets Felix's own, and he looks away just as fast as before.

 

“Do as you please.” He murmurs, lifting his fork to his mouth once more. “I am no one to stop you.”

 

They eat for a moment in silence, Felix watching the slope of Changbin's face out of the corner of his eye, until he speaks up.

 

“For what it's worth,” Felix says, smiling softly. “I find your story very worthy.”

 

Changbin stills once more, hand curled into a fist around the silver of his fork. He pushes his plate away, staring at the hardwood of the table before getting to his feet.

 

“While I value your thoughts,” He says, eyes anywhere but Felix’s face. “They are wrong.”

 

He leaves quietly, Felix’s gaze trailing after him. His meal sits, unfinished, beside Felix’s own. Felix is snapped out of his reverie as Seungmin clears his throat beside him. He looks over at the redhead, his head spacey, and is met with a soft smile.

 

“You must know by now,” The navigator says, smile ever present on his face. “Changbin hyung is stubborn as the sea itself. He’ll never give that up.”

 

Felix thinks, then, that he’ll find a way. A way to get through to the quartermaster, a way to change that. He’ll find one, he’s sure of it.

 

***

 

He’s unsure of what to do that night, and so, like always, when confused, he watches the sea. They’re close to Malaysia, now, most likely to reach it the next day, and there’s a certain uneasiness about the crew, restlessness, maybe. And so Felix watches the sea, and he thinks of his dreams.

 

 _“The sea is your enemy, boy.”_ The woman had told him, and it only serves to make Felix more confused. For the few weeks he’s been on it, Felix loves the sea dearly. It’s like an old friend, one he hadn’t seen for a long time before meeting once again. And he doesn’t want to leave it.

 

He supposes that’s that cause of his own nervousness to docking in Malaysia, as well as the chances of seeing the navy again. His thoughts linger on his father, on the iron grip around his throat that he’d been accustomed to for so long, on the gunshot-

 

He shivers. There’s heavy footsteps behind him, but he doesn’t move, not until something is draped over him. His head turns, slightly, to see who could be so kind. His face breaks unknowingly into a gentle smile when he realizes. It could be no one else but the quartermaster himself, for the warmth around his shoulders is only the knit blanket they had shared the night before.

 

Changbin’s face is lit by the moonlight, his hair shining silver in some places, nearly magical. His face is full of emotion, his jaw clenched, as he looks into Felix’s eyes. This time he doesn’t look away. His lips part, and his fingers twitch at his sides.

 

“You looked cold.” He rasps, and Felix shivers again.

 

“I’m not.” Felix says meekly, his head ducking when Changbin’s eyes narrow.

 

“You shivered.” The quartermaster steps forward, kneeling at Felix’s knees. “Twice.” His hands reach forward and uncurl the cuffs of Felix’s trousers to roll them down the expanse of his shins. Felix is too flustered to tell him that it isn’t the temperature that’s currently giving him goosebumps.

 

His mouth opens, but no words come out. Changbin remains on his knees. His hair is pulled out of his eyes over the top of his bandana, the slit in his eyebrow ever present. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

 

“What can I do for you,” The quartermaster says, hesitantly. “To make you forgive me?”

 

His hands still grip the ends of Felix’s trousers. Felix swallows before presenting his hand.

 

“You can stand,” He replies, holding out his open palm for Changbin to grasp. The pirate’s eyes glance warily at it, and back up to Felix’s face. “And know that I have already forgiven you.”

 

Changbin takes the offered hand in front of him, albeit hesitantly, and allows himself to be pulled to his feet.

 

“You shouldn’t.” The pirate says, softly. Felix hums quietly in question, and some of the tension seems to leave Changbin’s body. “You shouldn’t forgive me. I don’t- I don’t deserve it.”

 

His hand has yet to leave Felix’s hold. The latter sighs, squeezing the calloused palm in his own as he looks into Changbin’s eyes.

 

“Seo Changbin,” He murmurs. “When will you accept that you deserve the world?”

 

The tension comes back.

 

“I don’t,” His voice is filled with emotion, lapsing like the waves below them. “I don’t, stop- stop confusing me.”

 

He pulls his hand away, not roughly, curling his fingers into a fist before they loosen. Felix watches him with a thoughtful gaze. Changbin’s eyes drop.

 

“You must be tired.” His voice is low. “Rest. Rise with the crew when the sun comes up.”

 

The pirate turns, hesitates, looks back-

 

His mouth opens to say something, but he seems to think better of it, and his jaw snaps shut. And just like that, he walks away, leaving Felix on the deck with his blanket around the latter’s shoulders, and something aching in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again!
> 
> I was gone for some time because I was feeling really bad about myself, but I went through a little bit of treatment and now I'm here :) 
> 
> The tension is so thick here I swear it's like a 20 tier wedding cake 
> 
> WHEN WILL THEY LEARN  
> WHEN WILL THEY LEARN  
> THAT THEIR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!
> 
> My twitter is @zinniachild and my tumblr is @gay-but-woah 
> 
> You can find my curious cat here: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=


	12. Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Keep your heart steady,” The pirate murmurs, voice low. “If not for yourself, then only for me.”

He wakes to the clamor of a docking ship. The crew is rising to Jeongin’s shout of land sighted, bustling and busy, and Felix sighs heavily. He can hardly call last night’s bout of fitful nightmares anywhere near to rest, as the quartermaster had told him to do so, but he knows he must get up. Eventually. He lays in bed for a moment, clutching the knit blanket that has grown so dear to him to his chest.

 

A moment passes before he rises to his feet, sweeping his gaze around the sleeping quarters, searching, though he knows who he wants to find won’t be there. No, the quartermaster is above deck, giving out orders as usual. And so Felix walks out the doorway, blinking under the light of sun rays and basking in the warmth.

 

The calls of the crew are loud and so is the cry of white gulls against the blue of the sky and Felix- Felix is home here. He leans over the guardrail to look at the sea, at the way the waves roll carelessly and spray salt and white foam against the sides of the hull. Something flashes bright in the sun under the water, a rainbow of light, a fin rises out of the waves and water mists up into Felix's face. He splutters and looks over the rail again, but the creature is gone, hidden beneath blue depths once more.

 

His eyes search through the rolling waters, yet there is nothing left to be seen. Felix blinks in confusion, and steps back from the rail. The sound of a throat clearing behind him surprises him, his head whipping around to search for whom to which it belongs. He finds his heart growing warm at the sight before him. The quartermaster stands, hands fidgeting at his sides, his eyes on the deck and not Felix's face. Felix allows himself a fond smile before he schools it away into something more neutral.

 

Changbin clears his throat again before he speaks.

 

“We’ll make it to Malaysia by noon.” He says gruffly, his eyes flitting up to meet Felix's. “Will you be coming on land?”

 

Felix blinks, hesitant, a little fearful. Changbin watches him intently, and he feels his strength waver.

 

“I'll see to it to protect you.” The quartermaster murmurs, eyes softening. “You won't be left alone. I'm sorry that you were before.”

 

Warmth floods him and Felix feels like he might just be okay there, in Changbin's care.

 

“I'll come with you,” He says softly. “If you would have me.”

 

“I would always have you.”

 

The words leave him breathless in the best way, make his heart swell. He knows not this feeling, this kindling flame inside him, only that he wants more of it, to stay like this forever. He more feels than sees himself start to glow.

 

It starts off small and grows until his skin is lit with light, and Changbin is staring at him in awe. The quartermaster lifts a hand to touch, then starts to let it fall as he hesitates. Felix makes a decision. He catches Changbin's hand in his own and raises it back up to his face.

 

Changbin brushes his fingertips over the spatter of freckles Felix knows he has on his cheekbones, touch reverent and soft. His eyes are full of intense emotion, a raging ocean storm of his own. They sparkle with the reflection of Felix's own light, and Felix finds himself leaning into the light touch of the quartermaster's hand.

 

“I am not worthy of your light.” He says, his fingers stilling in their place on the apple of Felix's cheek. “Tell me, won't you, why do you glow for me?”

 

Felix blinks slowly, hand still encasing the quartermaster's wrist, and he feels as if he's in a dream.

 

“I do not know.” He admits. “I know only that it feels right.”

 

Changbin pulls his hand back, gently. He stares at it for a moment, before his eyes meet Felix's again.

 

“Come,” He says, his voice soft, though still with its usual rasp. “Malaysia awaits your light, as do I.”

 

The waves crash against the hull of the ship and Felix feels as if he belongs.

 

***

 

They dock in a lagoon on the shore of the Malaysian Peninsula, blocked from sight by lush trees and foliage, with a mystical feeling about it. Felix can't seem to put a name to the feeling, but he knows it's there. Maybe it's the way that the water sparkles just so under the sun, or the deep emerald green of the trees above them, but there's something special there.

 

The crew sets about boarding the row boats. This time, Jisung leaves the ship to lead a supply run.

 

“A _lawful_ one, or I'll see to it that Minho pours vinegar on your wounds.” He says solemnly, and someone in the crowd snickers.

 

“Of course he'll listen to you, won't he?”

 

Jisung sniffs, unbothered, hands on his hips.

 

“I don’t take orders,” Minho says from behind the crowd, startling a few members of the crew. “I give them. But Jisung is right. Keep it civil or I’ll hurt you.”

 

There’s a soft smile on the first mate’s face as he finishes, but he clears it away in an instant, soon to get back to business.

 

“The captain will watch over the ship while we’re gone.” He reminds the crew, and begins listing off names. “Ronan, Changbin, Li Hua, Felix. We’re keeping this party small to ward off any suspicion.”

 

Changbin steps forward, sleeves rolled up, exposing an expanse of tanned skin and muscle. Felix’s eyes flicker over him, down, then back up, and he feels his face heat up.

 

“Load the boats,” He says, voice gruff. “And don’t try anything stupid. Felix and I will take one, you three take the other.”

 

Felix’s eyes snap up to the quartermaster’s face, surprised. It’s the first time he’s heard his name from Changbin’s mouth, and he likes the way it sounds, rough and raspy. Their eyes lock and his lips part slightly, mouth suddenly dry. From beside them, Jisung clears his throat.

 

“O- _kay.”_ He says, and his voice is smug. Felix looks over to see him smirking. “Let’s go, lovebirds.”

 

Felix’s face flushes, he knows, because his cheeks heat up, and he quickly looks away. He follows the others to the boats, Changbin not far behind him, the pirate’s boots thudding against the wood of the deck.

 

As they clamber into the wooden vessel, Felix keeps his eyes on the floor, still shy from moments before. He wobbles a little, and is suddenly steadied by a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see the quartermaster watching him with careful intent, dark eyes meeting his own.

 

“Careful.” He says, eyes darting down and away. “You'll hurt yourself if you don't watch your footing.”

 

Felix makes an unsure noise in the back of his throat and nods, sitting down. Changbin takes his place across from him, clearing his throat and signaling for Ronan and Minho to begin lowering the boat into the water. There's a sudden drop, and Felix squeaks in surprise, hands gripping onto the sides of the vessel anxiously. He catches Changbin shooting a smug Minho a glare, and he tries to convince himself that he's safe, he's safe here. Then the quartermaster's eyes are back on him and it clicks that he really is safe, in Changbin's care. He won't be hurt again.

 

With this in mind, his fingers relax from where they were tensed around wood, his arms dropping to his sides as they settle gently on the water. He takes a calming breath and closes his eyes. There's the thump of wood against wood, and he opens them again to see Changbin fumbling with the oars. The pirate raises an eyebrow, the one with a slit in it.

 

“Are you with me?” There's a growl at the base of his voice, but it only serves to make Felix feel comforted, rather than afraid, as he was so many months before.

 

“I am.” He says, shyly, his hair falling into his eyes. Changbin leans forward to tuck it behind his ears.

 

"Keep your heart steady,” The pirate murmurs, voice low. “If not for yourself, then only for me.”

 

Felix doesn't know quite how to tell him that when the pirate is near, his own heart is never steady. Satisfied with the shy smile Felix sports in response, Changbin grips the oars tightly and hefts them out of the water.

 

“Oh,” Felix says, in quiet surprise. “Are you going to do that yourself?”

 

This time, the quartermaster does scoff at him, good-naturedly, however. His lips curl into a slight smile and his dark eyes twinkle.

 

“Do you know how to row?” He laughs, and Felix thinks he likes that sound very much. He's never heard it before, and it makes something warm begin to grow in him. His mouth drops open in a surprised o shape, eyes widening slightly.

 

“No,” He says softly, shaking his head. “I suppose not.”

 

His eyes rest on the smooth slope of Changbin's forehead, the glisten of sweat on his tanned skin, the way his hair is held out of his eyes with that same dusty rose bandana, the dark of his eyes. Before he knows it, the pirate is looking away.

 

“You mustn't look at me like that,” He says quietly, voice serious once more. “There isn't much for you to see.”

 

Felix's face heats up, and he covers his cheeks with his hands, averting his gaze.

 

“You've said before that you value my thoughts,” He stutters. “So even if they may be wrong, I think that there is plenty to look at.”

 

The swish of water where the oars push and rise becomes silent, and Felix comes to realize that the quartermaster has ceased his rowing. When he looks back up, Changbin is blinking back at him, lips parted, a light flush spread over his cheeks. He looks away after a few seconds of staring, the muscles of his arms tensing as he lifts the oars once more.

 

“Don't say such things,” He murmurs. “Should my heart catch fire.”

 

Felix feels his own flutter in his chest.

 

“Sorry,” He whispers, but he's smiling, and he doesn't mean it. Changbin smiles back for a bit before he focuses on his rowing again. Felix hadn't realized before, but they're drawing close to the shore now, the water lapping gently against sand.

 

Changbin rows a few more strokes before he clambers out of the row boat and into the water, which splashes against his shins, where his trousers are rolled up, dampening the cuffs of the fabric. He pulls the boat closer and Felix climbs out as well, pushing the vessel along. The rest of the party waits on the shore, Jisung deep in conversation with Li Hua and Ronan tying the boats to a wooden post that seems to have been there for some time. Felix walks along the sand on bare feet, boots in hand, the soft grains sticking to his drying skin. There’s a cool breeze in the air, tousling his hair gently. The orange strands blow into his eyes and he huffs to get them out.

 

“Felix!” Jisung calls, and Felix breaks out of his daze of thoughts, glancing up to see the others looking at him, ready to go. He hurries along to catch up. When he gets to their side, Changbin leans over to whisper,

 

“Are you okay?” His eyes are worried, though he says the words with a nonchalant manner, and they flit over Felix’s form quickly. The boy nods, smiling softly, and hurriedly puts on his boots, after wiping his feet on the soft grass on the outskirts of the sandy bank.

 

They make their way through the underbrush until they find a small stone path that must lead to the nearby town. It winds carefully around twisted trees hanging low with spiky fruit and green foliage, and as it goes on it slowly becomes more refined and modern, merging from broken slates of rock into cobblestone. There emerges from a clearing the sound of youthful laughter, and when the party turns the corner, they spot a few girls of a young age, dressed in blouses with long, drooping, transparent sleeves, intricate designs cut into silk, and thin skirts. Their hair is covered by silken scarves, each far prettier than the next, but all relatively beautiful.

 

They stop talking and laughing when they notice the men standing by, and blink large eyes, whispering to each other, covering their mouths with their hands. Jisung says something Felix can’t quite decipher, and he looks to Changbin with a confused expression. The quartermaster catches his eye and nods.

 

“It’s Malay,” He says, so low that Felix can hardly catch it, as Jisung and the girls go back and forth. “Jisung spent some time here, though not in this particular area, so he has some knowledge of the language. This is nostalgic for him, I can only assume.”

 

Felix hums and nods his head discreetly, his eyes moving back to the scene before them. The first mate and whom seems to be the oldest girl are conversing happily, Jisung smiling widely with that same heart-shaped grin as always. He looks back to the party and gestures for them to follow.

 

“It’s this way,” He says heartily, nearly skipping along the cobbled trail. He hums a boisterous tune until Li Hua says,

 

“Shut up.”

 

Jisung sniffs and turns his up his nose.

 

“You can’t tell me what to do, I’m the first mate.” Then he turns to the other pirate, smiling slyly. “And Minho will have your ass.”

 

Li Hua groans, and rolls his eyes as Changbin snorts beside him. Even Felix is hiding a laugh.

 

“Shut up, _sir.”_

 

Jisung sniffs once more, and turns around fully so that he’s walking backwards.

 

“Better.” He says, smiling brightly again, his nose scrunching up and eyes squinting shut.

 

Felix turns to Changbin to gauge his reaction and startles when he sees that the quartermaster is watching him fondly. He tilts his head in question and Changbin only shakes his own, hair falling into his eyes.

 

“Your laugh,” He says, smiling while keeping up the pace of the others. “I’ve never heard it before.”

 

Felix’s face flushes dusty rose, and his hands subconsciously rise to his cheeks. Changbin chuckles.

 

“It’s not too horrid, I hope.” Felix watches as Changbin’s smile drops, and sincerity fills his eyes.

 

“I am not lying,” He says, tugging on Felix’s shirt to halt him in his footsteps. “When I say that truly, it is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.”

 

Felix makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and hits Changbin weakly in the chest. A shout breaks the two out of their stupor where everything is just Changbin and Felix, and they look up to see the rest of the party staring at them, Li Hua with disdain, Jisung with a smirk, and Ronan just looks fond. Vaguely, he thinks in the back of his head that he wishes Ronan had been his father instead. They begin to walk forward, Changbin’s hand dropping from Felix’s sleeve, fidgeting at his side as they catch up to the others.

 

The town begins to come into view, tiled roofs and bustling streets, colorful clothes and fabrics being sold in stalls and carts. Jisung and Ronan pull away to a cart full of various fruits and grains, and Changbin ends up at a stall selling jewelry. Felix follows him, peeking over the quartermaster’s shoulder at the goods, gold and silver and jade. He realizes that the way they hold themselves is very different. Changbin is smaller, but he carries the aura of someone big and strong, and, well, he’s definitely the latter, from what Felix has seen. Meanwhile, Felix makes himself small, hides himself behind things, covers himself in his cloak with the hood up. There’s a certain fear about him.

 

His eyes land on something red, and there, cushioned by silk, is a ring, lined with rubies as bright as fire, the flash of the golden band sticking out against the gemstones. He sucks in a small gasp and Changbin turns to him, following his eyes. He sees the ring and immediately says, “That, please.” He gestures to the ring.

 

The stall owner begins bagging it up, and Changbin pulls out a little bag that clinks as he moves it. Inside are gold and silver coins, and he pulls out three golden ones, handing them over. It clicks in Felix’s head that he should say something.

 

“Oh no, don’t, you mustn’t.” Is the first thing that comes out, and Changbin looks at him fondly. “You shouldn’t how will I ever repay you?”

 

A small smile creeps its way onto the quartermaster’s face and his eyes crinkle a little at the edges.

 

“You’ve paid me enough by far, already.” He takes the pouch containing the ring from the owner of the stall and opens it, slipping the ring out into his palm. He reaches for Felix’s own, before hesitating. “May I?” He asks, gently. Felix nods.

 

Changbin takes his hand with all the care in the world, and slips the ruby ring onto Felix’s middle finger. He takes a moment to admire it, both of them do, and when Felix looks up, he sees that the quartermaster is watching him, with that same fond look as before.

 

“It looks good.” He says, smiling, still holding Felix’s hand. Then, as an afterthought, “You look good.”

 

There’s a hum from beside them, and they both startle. Jisung leans over onto Changbin’s shoulder and nods exaggeratedly slow, his eyes shut.

 

“Indeed.” He says, opening his eyes. “Changbinnie certainly has good taste.”

He shares a knowing look with the quartermaster, who promptly elbows him in the stomach. Jisung makes a choked noise and gasps, clutching his stomach with his right hand, feigning intense pain.

 

 _“Ow.”_ He cries, and then elbows Changbin back. “Take that, you scoundrel. Trying to woo some innocent stowaway. Shame on you.”

 

Felix blushes bright pink, and as he’s avoiding Jisung’s blows, Changbin catches his eye and grins.

 

“There’s my pink lady.” He says, and lets out an _oof_ as Jisung finally manages to hit him.

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Ronan’s accented voice comes out of the blue, and Felix turns to him, grateful for the distraction. “But where has Li Hua gone off to?”

 

“I’m here.” The pirate seemingly appears out of nowhere. “Let’s get the haul and get back to the ship.”

 

Jisung watches him, hands on his hips, grinning.

 

“Aren’t you in a hurry?” He asks, waggling his eyebrows. “What did you get up to while you were gone?”

 

Li Hua looks away, and brushes it off with a laugh.

 

“Something I don’t regret.” He's smiling, for once, and it strikes Felix as very odd. But then Jisung is looping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him along and yelling at Changbin that

 

“This is how it's done! Not whatever you two are doing.”

 

Felix squirms away, laughing breathlessly, his orange hair falling into his eyes, and hears Changbin growl a little at the back of his throat. He comes forward to press himself close to Felix's side and contrary to his earlier confidence, he smiles shyly.

 

“Who's the pink lady now?” Felix asks, sticking out his tongue, and Changbin's smile becomes softer, if that's even possible.

 

“Still you,” He says, fondly. “Always you.”

 

Felix is blushing _again,_ and they're walking back to the lagoon on the winding path and it's quiet. The girls from before are gone, back to town they can assume, their laughter missing from the air. The rustle of leaves in the slight breeze, and that's all there is to hear. Now that everything is calm, with Jisung humming a soft tune, and Felix kicking a few stray pebbles off the path, all else is quiet. It strikes him as odd, as earlier, there had been such clamor in the vicinity, birds calling loudly and bugs buzzing, and now all that is gone. He catches Li Hua staring at him and something close to curiosity fills him.

 

He looks back to Changbin, whose eyes are facing forward, tracing along the path as it twists and turns into the trees. He doesn't seem to notice the quiet. And so Felix internally shrugs, plays it off as something of unimportance, and maintains his outward appearance. Still, there’s a feeling of anxiety filling him, remembering the last time they docked the ship. It must show on his face, because in one moment, Changbin’s hand is on his shoulder. Felix turns his head slightly to face him, and he sees that the quartermaster is watching him with worried eyes.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and Felix just shakes his head, pressing his lips together in a thin line. They continue walking silently, until they hear a large crash and boom. Cannonfire. Felix’s worst fears have come true. He freezes, afraid, then forces himself to run along with the others.

 

 _“Shit!”_ Jisung cries, ripping his sword out of its sheath. He runs in large bounds, the rest of the party following after. Felix struggles to keep up, his heart pounding, constricting with fear. He remembers the last time this happened, Hyunjin, his father-

 

He keeps running. Not once does he stop, even when his lungs burn like fire is licking at his insides, even when the muscles in his legs are screaming at him to slow down. They burst out of the trees and onto the bank of the shore, chests heaving, and rush towards the row boats. The Broken Compass seems to be in good shape, as if this wasn’t a surprise, even though it most undoubtedly was. They even have an advantage, with the way they’ve cornered the navy ship so that the sun is in the opposing crew’s eyes.

 

As Felix climbs into one of the boats, he pushes it forward in the water so that Changbin won’t have to be distracted, and they hop in, the wooden vessel wobbling slightly. Changbin grips the oars in his hands, and starts rowing as fast as he can without being uneffective. Felix can only wait anxiously, as fear starts to settle in his heart once more.

 

“Hey,” Changbin pants, and Felix looks at him with fearful eyes. “You’re okay. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

 

Felix forces a smile and hurriedly looks out at the water, at the nearing ship. He takes a deep breath. Now is not the time for fear. Now is the time to fight. They reach the side of the vessel and Felix stands up in the row boat, gripping onto the rope ladder. A face peers over the side, and breaks into a familiar grin.

 

“Just in time!” Hyunjin calls, as Felix makes the leap from the small boat to the ladder. “We were wondering when you would get back! Is Jisung with you?”

 

Felix lets go of the ladder with one hand, hanging on with pure strength, and jerks his thumb back in the direction of the others, who are coming up behind them. Hyunjin squints at the water, and then smiles again. Felix climbs as fast as he can after running for so long, and as he reaches the railing of the ship, Hyunjin helps him climb aboard. Felix pants, his feet steady on the wooden planks below, despite the slosh of water in the lagoon.

 

“Come on,” Hyunjin says, tugging on Felix’s sleeve, pulling him in the direction of the center of the deck. Felix looks around, and gazes in awe and a little bit of fear remaining, at the chaos that unfolds. Most of the crew of the Broken Compass is aboard the opposing ship, fighting expertly and driving their foes back. Hyunjin hands Felix his rapier, the blade shiny and clean, and dashes off into the fight.

 

“Hyunjin!” Felix shouts, but it gets lost in the noise. He forces his way through the crowd, blocking blows with the forte of his sword and ducking under reckless swings. “Damnit,” He hisses, having lost sight of his friend.

 

He focuses on the battle around him instead, pushing down the worry for Hyunjin that wells up in his chest. Hyunjin is a pirate, and the Broken Compass is winning. He can do this.

 

 _And so can you._ He tells himself, ducking under another blow and thrusting his sword forwards into a navy officer’s arm. _I’ll never kill. I can’t ever kill._

 

He repeats this mantra to himself as he pushes the soldier back with his boot clad foot, swinging downwards with his blade and nearly flinching when their swords clash together. He has the upper hand, with the officer on the ground and he above, so he moves out of the way and slices at one of the opposing man’s hands, cutting along the back of his fingers and eliciting a pain ridden shout.

 

“Fuck you,” The man seethes, gripping his hand to his chest, his sword now fallen onto the floor. “You aren’t immune to this, you’ll see. You’ve got it coming for you.”

 

At the threat, Felix whips around,blocking an oncoming blow and hissing at the clang of metal against his sword. That was a close one. It’s two on one, now, and Felix has never practiced this before. Still, he’ll fight until his dying breath, for the Broken Compass, for his crew, for Changbin. He doesn’t think about it and slashes at one officer’s side, making him yell out in pain, turning on the other, the one whose hand he had cut.

 

“You will never see me beg.” He grinds out, advancing towards his foe. “You will never see me cry. I am a pirate, and I will fight for this ship until I die.”

 

He drives his sword down into the man’s foot, crushing the bone there. A scream nearly echoes out, blocked only by the sound of the cannons and the clang of swords around them as each crew merges together. Felix feels the wind in his hair, his hard set jaw, his clenched teeth. His surveys the scene before him. There’s blood on his shirt, nearly dried, turning from red to brown, and he wonders just how that got there. There isn’t time to find out why.

 

He sees Hyunjin struggling, and his reflexes kick in. He leaps towards the man cornering his friend and slashes a long cut against his back, causing him to fall in shock, and Hyunjin takes the chance to thrust his sword forward into the officer’s stomach. Felix winces.

 

 _It wasn’t me._ He thinks. _I didn’t kill him._

 

“Thanks, Felix!” Hyunjin gasps, the bandages around his head falling a bit loose. “He nearly had me there. Knew I could count on you to have my back.”

 

The reassurance relieves him a bit, but he doesn’t have time to focus on that.

 

“Can you fight alone?” He asks, his eyes searching for one pirate in particular. He can’t seem to find him.

 

Hyunjin grins.

 

“I’ll be fine,” He says, still smiling. “Go to him.”

 

His finger points into the fight, where Felix sees Changbin fighting off two pirates, just as he had himself. Felix’s heart leaps into his throat. He dashes forward, spinning around to dodge the swing of a sword and focusing back in on the quartermaster. As he reaches his destination, He slides to his knees, blocking a blow from cutting into Changbin’s knees.

 

“Felix!” The pirate cries, and Felix’s heart thuds in his chest. “What are you doing here, it’s too-” He breaks off as he slams the hilt of his sword into one of the navy officers’ head. “-dangerous!”

 

Felix huffs as he lands a few blows against another officer’s chest, never deep enough to kill.

 

“We’re on a pirate ship, Changbin,” He calls back, loud enough to be heard over the clamor. “It’s going to be damn dangerous!”

 

Changbin laughs, even though it’s strained from the exertion of the fight. A crowd of officers surround them, and they press their backs together.

 

“Are you a pirate, now?” Changbin asks smugly, swiping his sword upwards and through a man’s stomach.

 

Felix grins, but it’s more like he’s gritting his teeth.

 

“Always was,” He grinds out. “Always will be.”

 

He lands a blow on one of the officer’s legs, and the man’s knees buckle, falling the floor.

 

“Never took you for the type,” Changbin says back, and there’s a clang of swords as he blocks an oncoming downward strike. Felix snorts.

 

“Never took you for mine.”

 

Changbin laughs again, driving his sword into an officer’s chest.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He shouts the question to be heard over the noise of the battle.

 

Felix doesn’t have a chance to answer. He’s driven away from Changbin, as he sidesteps a foe’s sword, and nearly tumbles backward when he trips over an officer’s boot.

 

“Felix!” Changbin cries. “Felix, where are you?”

 

Felix tries to get back to him, he really does, but he’s being cornered against the captain’s quarters now, having been pushed by the chaotic flow of the fight up onto the second deck. He fights desperately, blocking blow after blow, but his arms are growing tired, his lungs heaving from exertion. His heart sinks.

 

The soldier he’s fighting has a mean glint in his eye, and his hair is scraggly and gray. He has a large scar across his cheek, and he’s driving his sword down harder and harder.

 

“No one is coming to save you now, birdie.” He sneers, and Felix growls back at him.

 

“I won’t give in,” He says, as he’s pressed against the door. “I’ll never stop fighting. You’ll never take me.”

 

“We’ll see about that,” The officer smirks.

 

Felix hears a cry of his name, sounding distressed, and he glances up, just for a split second, distracted. That one second is the chance the navy officer takes. Felix gasps in pain as a sword is driven through his side. He drops his rapier and slowly slumps onto his knees, looking the officer in his eyes. His life flashes before him. All the things he didn’t get to do, all the people he couldn’t protect.

 

He hardly registers the sound of gurgling as the officer falls to the ground, a blade driven through his back. And then Changbin is there, and was Felix laying down before? He is now, and it’s all a blur of noise and fire and he can taste blood in his mouth. He sees Changbin’s lips move, and he tries to read them, but he can’t, so instead he says,

 

“‘M sorry.” It’s a slur of words, hardly intelligible, but the quartermaster seems to understand.

 

“Why are you sorry?” He can hear Changbin now, and his voice is wet. Is he crying? Felix shudders and gasps again as a hand presses against his side.

 

“‘M sorry- that I can’t-” Blood dribbles out of his mouth and he gurgles around it. “-can’t g-glow for you, anymore.”

 

Changbin looks at him, and there are tears streaming down his face.

 

“Don’t say that,” He says, hands pressing insistently against the gaping wound in Felix’s side.”Why would you say that? Don’t,”

 

Felix smiles, bloodstained teeth showing where there’s usually white. It’s pained, and he coughs and splutters around the blood in his mouth.

 

“Don’t leave me,” Changbin cries desperately. “No, you can’t, don’t.”

 

“You’ll be okay,” Felix says, hand reaching up shakily to stroke Changbin’s cheek. “You’ll be okay without me. You will.”

 

Changbin shakes his head, his hands pressing harder against the cut to staunch any bleeding.

 

“I can’t do it without you,” He sobs, as Felix’s hand pulls one of his own away from the wound, linking their fingers, his hand becoming bloody.

 

“Minho!” Changbin screams. “Minho, I need you, Minho!”

 

Felix chuckles, swallowing heavily and tasting the tang of iron in his throat. Tears blur his vision. He’s crying from pain, but what kind? Is it physical, or is it the pain in Changbin’s own voice as he clutches at Felix’s hand with his bloody fingers, pressing his other hand into the wound? He doesn’t know. He’s never known much of anything at all, it seems. He’s thankful, for finding the Broken Compass, for finding the crew, Hyunjin, Changbin. He’s thankful and he says so.

 

“Thank you,” He sighs softly,and his eyes threaten to close. “Thank you, for making my life worth living.”

 

“What are you saying?” Changbin asks, desperately. “Don’t close your eyes, you can’t close your eyes.”

 

Felix forces his eyelids back open, his breath stuttering in his chest. Changbin leans over him, squeezes his hand, slick with blood, tear stains on his cheeks.

 

“Don’t cry.” He says, so softly that Changbin has to lean closer to hear. “Don’t cry.”

 

And then his eyelids flutter shut, and his ears ring, and he hears something he can’t decipher, a mix of syllables of words, three altogether. He hangs onto that voice, that rough rasp, those little sobs, until he can’t hear anymore, and then everything is black, and silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all 😔✊ the time has come  
> there is NO major character death in this story keep that in mind  
> also  
> bubs i am so sorry for uploading so late but jesus was this chapter hard to write  
> i kept getting stuck so i hope it turned out okay ❤️  
> anywho if y'all want to yell at me here's my social media 
> 
> twitter: @zinniachild 
> 
> tumblr: gay-but-woah 
> 
> cc: https://curiouscat.me/ZinniaChild?t=


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